The Spirit of Discernment, Bible Study 04/08/15

Posted on April 15, 2015 by growintheword

The Spirit of Discernment
Synopsis of Bible Study 04/08/15
Delivered by Bishop Walker III

Phil 1:9 9 And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment,
Discernment means the ability to decide between truth and error; right or wrong. With discernment comes much responsibility. When discerning, you got to be both strategic and careful when discerning what truth really is.
Discernment is also the ability to think biblically. The problem is you got to know the word of God in order to be able to discern.
1 Thess 5:21-22 says 21 Test all things; hold fast what is good. 22 Abstain from every form of evil.- In other words, examine everything carefully. We should examine all things that come to us. Ex – Most of us let anyone into our lives without question. It is important to test everything!
1 John 4:1 says 1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. – Test the spirits that you encounter, including people you come in contact with. Remember our spirit is the essence of who we really are.
I. How do we know this?
a. Our body is not really who we are. Our spirit is the essence of who we are. How do we prove this? When we die, our body goes back to the dirt, but your spirit goes to God.
b. God makes transactions to your spirit and not to your flesh. The only way to commune with God is in spirit and in truth.
c. We have to know also that the devil is a spirit. The devil is attracted to your flesh; God is attracted to your spirit. Whatever is attracted to God, will be attracted to your spirit. Whatever is attracted to Satan will be attracted to your flesh.

II. The devil is a counterfeiter.
a. If you must test the spirit to know if it is of God or of the devil, know that it won’t be easy. The devil will show up looking and sounding like God. This means the only way to test it is by not relying on our flesh. The flesh can be deceived, but the spirit can’t. There is a still small voice in your spirit that tries to tell you when something isn’t right.
b. The spirit inside of you is like the GPS in your car. After programming it, the moment you get off course, the GPS is going to say something about it. Just like the GPS, God programs you by his word and the Holy Ghost will start speaking to you the moment you get out of line.

III. Gaining the discernment is based on your willingness to wait, learn, and listen
a. Wait – You need wisdom to undertake this one. James 1:5 says 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.- Wisdom is your perspective on life , your sense of balance, your understanding.
b. Spiritual discernment is calling on the Holy Spirit to lead or give you direction on matters. We must call on the Lord and ask him to speak to us about what we are about to do.
c. When you discern you don’t always discern a person solely on their actions. Remember it is their spirit that makes them who they are. Their actions sometimes make us forget this.
d. We have the Holy Spirit in the unemployment line. We subconsciously want to do things on our own.

IV. Jesus and his teaching on discernment
a. Learn to ask the right questions – Luke 11:9 says 9 ” So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.- We ask other people for their advice more than we do the Holy Spirit. The devil wants you to be led by emotion and not the Holy Spirit.
b. Learn how to determine time and seasons – Matt 16:3 says and in the morning, ‘It will be foul weather today, for the sky is red and threatening. ‘ Hypocrites! You know how to discern the face of the sky, but you cannot discern the signs of the times.; Ecc 3:1 says 1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:- You can have a good thing at a bad time. Ex- There is nothing wrong with having a mink coat, but there is something wrong with wearing on a sunny day. You might see a good opportunity, but it doesn’t mean it is the right season for you to have it. The devil could be trying to trick you.
c. Got to learn how to use wisdom and judgment- John 8:16 says 16 And yet if I do judge, My judgment is true; for I am not alone, but I am with the Father who sent Me.
1. Heb 4:12 says 12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two- edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.-
i. Ex- What you have is the word of God. Then you have your Pastor. In preparation of the presenting the word to you, your Pastor must consecrate himself, pray, and move himself out of way, thus allowing the Lord to use him as a vessel as he speaks a word into your situation. This is how the Spirit of God connects to your spirit. God tells you everything you need to hear, because you sit under a Pastor that he has assigned to you.
ii. Ex2- Bishop Walker says one of the greatest compliments he could get is for someone to say to him, “Every time I come to your service, you talk right into my situation”.

V. Discernment vs. delusion
a. Matt 7:15-16 says 15 ” Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? – You got to beware of false prophets assigned to your life. Without discernment, you will not be able to tell the difference.
b. The gift of discernment – We have to learn how to use this gift.
c. Beware of false prophets – Many people taught you the wrong meaning of false prophets. A false prophet is simply a person that taught you the wrong thing about word. Matt 7:15-16 says 15 ” Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. – Do men gather grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? You have to know the word.
d. You got to know false prophecy is erroneous teaching. You don’t just take somebody’s word at face value. You should take whatever someone says and go to the word of God and it should line up.
e. The word of God should inspire you to speak. When you got the word, it is hard to keep it to yourself.
f. The gift of discernment needs to be cultivated- 1 Kings 3:9 – 9 Therefore give to Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Yours?”
g. This gift must be done with the heart of God – Proverbs 15:14- 14 The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, But the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness.; Acts 16:16-17 16 Now it happened, as we went to prayer, that a certain slave girl possessed with a spirit of divination met us, who brought her masters much profit by fortune-telling. 17 This girl followed Paul and us, and cried out, saying, “These men are the servants of the Most High God, who proclaim to us the way of salvation.”-Divination was a fortune telling spirit. Notice that though she was practicing something demonic, she said all the right stuff. She proclaimed that Paul and Silas were “men of God”.
a. Acts 16:18 says 18 And this she did for many days.- Though she were calling Paul and Silas men of God, she did not have good intentions. Everything that sounds sanctimonious and righteous is not of the spirit of God. The only way to discern it is to be so in tune to God, you can just call it for what it is.

VI. How do you know you have it (discernment)
a. Do you desire it? 1 Co 14:1 says 1 Pursue love, and desire spiritual gifts, but especially that you may prophesy.
b. Do you love God’s presence?
c. Do you have sensitivity to the spiritual atmosphere? – Bishop explains that he is so sensitive in the spiritual atmosphere that he can go into a particular realm, when he preaches. In this realm, he can see spirits while he is preaching. This is why he often keeps pushing when he extends the invitation to Christ. He can actually see the spirits trying to keep souls from coming to Christ.
d. Do you feel different than other people? Do you often see things other people don’t?
e. Do you see unusual signs?
f. Did you have childhood salivation signs?
g. Do you have the ability to know what lies behind a person’s words or actions? Ex- Doris Harrison, Bishop’s grandmother, really had this gift. You would think you had Mr. or Mrs. Right, but grandmother could sense when something wasn’t right about them. Many elders even today share this gift.
h. Confirmation by others and leaders- Lots of people with this gift has heard this prophesied over your lives.

VII. What to do
a. Always begin with data.
b. Begin with what is factual.
c. Let your heart educate your mind.
d. Have a soft heart, but a hard head. Even though our heart is soft, will think critically through our decisions. Just because you are feeling a certain way, don’t mean you can’t think through a decision. When faced with a decision, ask does it make sense according to God’s word. Ex-If you are 3 mths behind on rent, do you think God would want you to sign up for a 300 dollar car note?
e. Does it line up with God’s word? Our senses, our values, God’s word, and our circumstances, should all line up. – When God moves, he has things worked out. Don’t operate in your mind.

VIII. Imaginations vs facts
a. Images are created in our mind. 2 Cor 10:5 says 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, John 8:32 says 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”- In Matthew 4, Jesus had fasted and all the things that Satan showed him was in His head. He responded continuously to Satan, “It is written…” In this phrase, he demonstrated that he allowed God’s word to take precedence over his imagination. We have to remember that we shouldn’t allow our emotions to get past our spirit.
b. We have to turn our emotions over to God. Psa 34:18 says 18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit., 1 Cor 2:10 10 But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. – We need to know what the Holy Spirit is saying to us and not be led by our emotions. Your emotions can change on us. If you allow your emotions to take control, then our will begins to take control. .
a. Luke 22:42 says 42 saying, ” Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.”; Psa 119:11 says 11 Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You.-The word inside our heart blocks our flesh. You got to make sure the word inside of you has greater authority in your life than “your will”.
c. Your actions vs. wisdom. – First it gets into your head, then your emotions, and then this results in actions which causes conflicts. When you have wisdom you think about your actions. 1 cor 4:5 5 Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one’s praise will come from God.-Ask the Lord to show you if it will benefit you to do this:; Pro 4:7 says Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom.- Make sure you get wisdom.
d. Your spirit and your flesh are always competing for your attention.

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Relationship Clinic VI, “How do you know where people fit into your life?” Bible Study 03/27/15

Posted on March 27, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic VI

How do you know where people fit into your life?

Synopsis of Bible study 03/25/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

If you have a spirit like an amputee, you just cut things off. The problem is, if you have this spirit, you may be moving too soon. You need to find out where people fit in.

Pro 13:20 says 20 He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed. – You must stay away from foolish people. Having the right people in your life is a vital part of your success. Where people fit is very important. Remember that it is not an issue with them; it is an issue with where they fit in. People in your life will either take you up or take you down.

Got to be willing to find the right people in your life

  1. Childhood friends might be alright to be in friendship with, but you might have to finder a better place for your childhood friend to fit. You have to be wise about placing friends; they might not fit where you going.
  2. Your new season will require new relationships. You got to come out of your comfort zone and know where people fit.
  3. People that fit in have common goals, similar values, and they celebrate your success. They won’t privately hate on you.
  4. You don’t need people who stifle you. We need people in our lives that will stretch us. Writer Henry Miller quotes, “… No one creates alone, of and by himself… “- If the persons in your life don’t motivate you or encourage you, then they probably shouldn’t be part of your starting lineup, after all, we are trying win. Simply put, winners want winners.
  5. Having said this, based on Forbes magazine, there are 6 people you need in your life in order to be successful. We are not meant to be by ourselves. As we name the 6 people you need in your life, write down a person that fits each of these 6 categories. They are:
  6. Instigator– This is someone who pushes you or makes you think. They energize you. They are always motivated by vision and they are the voice of inspiration.
  7. Cheerleader – They are a huge fan or strong supporter. They are the voice of mediation. They support and believe in you and will never let you down. Cheerleaders make you stay and work, whereas instigators make you get out of bed to go to work.
  8. Doubter – This is the person that plays the devil’s advocate. This is the person that wants you to be safe and successful. Ex– You buy a SUV and they call to your attention the increase in the cost of gas. They want you to think about every aspect of your actions. The doubter brings realism into your optimism.
  9. Task master– This person is the loud voice that makes you get things done. They are a steward of momentum.  They make you get things done. They refer to this person as the worker bee type.
  10. Connector – The person that has no allies. They break through roadblocks. They can reach people in places where you cannot. They connect you to the right resources. They know how to navigate the room and tell you where everything you need is.
  11. Example – This person is like the mentor. This is the person who is a guiding entity. Their presence reminds you that amazing things can happen.

How do you identify the right people?

  1. Matt 12:46-50 says 46 While He was still talking to the multitudes, behold, His mother and brothers stood outside, seeking to speak with Him. 47 Then one said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak with You.”48 But He answered and said to the one who told Him, ” Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” 49 And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, ” Here are My mother and My brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.” – What Jesus is showing us here is that everyone who makes claim of relationship with you, is not connected to you. The titles of kinship (uncle, aunt, brother, sister and etc…), are not always an indicator that they are connected to you. People may have family titles, but don’t work in the function of that title as they should. You may have a lot of kin folk, but only some family members that operate in their family titles.
  2. When you are connected to a visionary leader, you enter to an intimate place like a family member. In this relationship you:
  3. Assess your relationship needs
    1. You have a right to state your relationship needs without feeling guilty. – You got to assess what you expect out of the relationship or others will place expectations on you that you don’t want. You have to be honest about what you need and what you want out of your relationship. – Ex-“All I want to do is be you friend”. A simple statement like this can mean something totally different to someone else. You have to make your needs in the relationship known or the other person will have expectations for things that you never intended to deliver. As a result, you will be frustrated and drained from this friendship all the time. You have to be willing to:
  4. Label your expectations. There 3 things you should expect from people in a friendship. (Write down relationships that remind you of these things).
    1. Do you have time to invest in this type of relationship? Relationships take investments (of your time, attention, and etc…). You can’t pour into a relationship and the other person not. Ex- You can talk to some people and it is so easy, yet there are others that are needy and it drives you nuts! They drain you. Ask yourself do you have the time to give what this person needs from you? Maybe you need to reassess how you align this type of person in your life, because you don’t want to keep letting them down.
    2. There is a season a person should be in your life. Ecc 3:1 says 1 To everything there is a season, – There is a time for every purpose under heaven. Have you ever met someone that you wish you would have met at a different time in your life?
  5. You got to know where people fit. John 15:15 says 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.- People shift in certain areas of your life. When they shift down, it’s more difficult than when they shift up. Shift happens! However; some people can’t handle this.
    1. Are you willing to have that tough conversation with your friend, so that you are all on the same page? You can’t just cut them off. This would not be Christian like. You have to talk to them about it.
    2. Different levels of friends:
      1. Mentor-counselor
      2. Ministers
      3. Acquaintances
      4. Friendships
      5. Conditional friends
      6. Lifelong friends

Understand the difference of the different type of people in your life.

Pro12:26 says 26 The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray. (List the people that match these friend types below).

Different types of friends

  1. Wannabee – They act like they have been in your life all the time, but haven’t. They are often delusional about their connection with you. They will violate boundaries.
  2. Used-to-be – This is a childhood friend or boyfriend or girlfriend. They were connected to you back then, but don’t know who you are now. Your whole memory of them is bad press. They are fuelled by the pain of not being with you.
  3. Could-never-be – they don’t fit anywhere. 1 cor 15:33 says 33 Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”- Your family are even alarmed by them.
  4. Should-be – This is the person that makes you say, “Wow; I should have met them before!” They are in your network and influence now. The timing is right. You go to the function and you feel like you should already know them.
  5. Have-to-be – Eleanor Roosevelt quotes “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart …” – They are connected to your purpose. Pro 18:24 says 24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. – They may not have the title, but they sho-nuff have the function. They will be so close to you, they blow your mind, because this is spiritual.

Healthy relationships are important, because they are important to God. How can you say you love God whom you have not seen, and hate the person that you see every day? Put the people where they belong in your life. Don’t let your past people mess up your life by defining what God is about to do in this season!

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Relationship Clinic IV, “How Do You Know You Are Over the Pain of Your Past?” Bible Study 03/11/15

Posted on March 18, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic IV

“How Do You Know You Are Over the Pain of Your Past”

Synopsis of Bible Study 03/11/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker

Many of us struggle with this issue called pain. Phil 3:13 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,– When you think about pain and the process of getting beyond it, there is a term called offense that comes to mind. When we experience offense, we have to realize that what we are dealing with is flesh, not spirits.

Eph 6:12 says 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. – This then tells us that when dealing with offense, it is spiritual warfare.

The devil uses our flesh as a manifestation of the offense. When we are offended, we have to decide if we are going to take the bait. When we are offended, there are two possible reactions. They are:

  • Spiritual Reaction.
  • Physical (Natural) Reaction.

Of course we advise you to have a spiritual reaction, but for now, let’s talk about the natural reaction. Our natural tendency is to act in the flesh.

How do we keep from acting in the flesh? How do we transition from responding in the flesh? Know that you will never be able to deal with offense in your flesh. It’s got to be in the spiritual.

Where does the offense come from? Sometimes the offense comes, because it reminds you of something that happened to you before that wasn’t dealt with.

  • There are layers of pain and as a result of your levels of pain, you have scars. Scientifically, you remember the bad things better than the good things that happened to you. As a result, you replay the footage of the bad things over and over in your mind. Isa 43:18-19 says 18 “Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

How do you know you are over the pain of your Past? The answer is, you are able to put the old things behind you and make room for the good things. God is doing good things in your life right now!

  • Joseph was elevated, but he could have retaliated instead. Gen 50:20 says 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. – Egypt was saved, because of what offended Joseph.
  • Does God allow you to be offended and just expect you to stand back and do nothing? God could have prevented it, so why did God let the offense come. Job would testify that he wasn’t doing anything, but God allowed the devil to have permission to attack him.
    • There are moments that God allows the offense to happen, but he is in control of the end result. The fact that you are reading this right now is evidence that God controls the end result. Ex – Joseph knew that everything happens for a reason. Had he not been put into prison, he wouldn’t have met the butler who told pharaoh that he could interpret dreams; he wouldn’t have been in prison if Potiphar’s wife had not lied on him; he wouldn’t have been sold had it not been for the evilness of his brothers; and he wouldn’t have been hated by his brother’s enough for them to sell him, had he not been given the coat by his father.
  • Soren Kierkegaard has been quoted as saying “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – The only way to understand a person is to know where they been. This is the only way you will understand why a person is the way they are. You must accept that both our pain and our history make up who we are. We can’t however allow ourselves to stay in the pain and allow it to rob our future.

Let go of your past. You deserve to be free

  • John 8:36 says 36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. – The chains have been broken. You can’t be free if you still living in the past.
  • Gal 5:1 says 1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.- Once you been set free, don’t go back! This is being entrapped in the snares that have been designed to make you powerless and to put you into the pain that makes you powerless. At this point your pain is dictating your destiny.
  • Pain is real and once you are free, don’t go back! Luke 9:62 says 62 But Jesus said to him, ” No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”- Looking back is not option.
  • Lesson from past pain.
  • Learn to live life for you – You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Something happened to you, but you have to come to a place where you want to be heal. Healing begins with you. Self-discovery is impossible, because you won’t allow the healing process to begin. Ex- Bishop shares that during the last snow storm, he went out to clear the sidewalk. The problem is he did so in shower shoes instead of boots. As soon as he stepped out onto the ice, he went airborne. Trying to catch himself, he injured both his wrist and one of his fingers. As a result, he was not able to bend the finger. His wife, who is a doctor, advised him to go and get it checked out. Bishop refused and the finger remained sore for days. After days of him being in pain over the finger, his wife scolded him and reminded him that his finger would never be healed, if he didn’t get it checked out. In other words, his finger would be jacked up. In like manner, if you don’t allow God to heal you, then you will remain jacked up. Don’t let pain rob you of life.
  • Learn how to trust God. Psa 56:11 says 11 In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? – We allow ourselves to put human attributes on God. Don’t let your horizontal horror; rob you of your vertical blessing.

Psa 146:3 says 3 Do not put your trust in princes, Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help. – Don’t allow what people did to you, cause you to distrust people. Put your trust in God. Ex – Some people start folk off at 100% credibility and then allow them to lower it by their actions. Other people start people at 0% and then allow them to prove themselves towards the 100%, this way if they don’t make it, they are not disappointed by what they do.

  • Learn to have the right intentions – Psa 51:10 says 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Rom 12:9 says 9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.- Have you ever volunteered to help the Lord get them, as if He was moving too slow for you? Learn how to walk away in peace, instead of pieces. Learn to declare over your life that you are not going to walk away as fragmented pieces. If you don’t, this will eventually get into your head.

Isa 26:3 says 3 You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.- We are not going to let somebody have the joy of saying, “look at what I did to them”.

  • Clean up your life – Spring clean your life. Spring clean your emotions and your spirit. Pain will set up residue and cause illness, disease, pain, and other ailments. Take note of what is inside of you. Ex – When you meet Thomas, don’t compare him to a previous Thomas that did your wrong.

Psa 139:23-24 says 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; 24 And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.- In other words, ask the Lord to show you what is wearing you out.

Ecc 3:1 says 1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:- It’s ok to get help. Sometimes you got to talk to somebody.

Pro 1:5 says 5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel,

Prov 19:20 says 20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction, That you may be wise in your latter days.-Counseling can help you get to the core issue. You might be mad at somebody, because of something that happened to you in the past. There is often history tied to your pain. Out with the old and in with the new! Remove the old stuff and replace it with something new. If you don’t fill that void with the word of God it becomes a deterrent from healing from any past pain and experiences.

2 cor 2:14 says 14 Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place.

  • Terms to know:
  • Was, that is, and what will be – God’s desire for your life is that you prosper in your soul and emotions. 3 john: 1:2 says – 2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.
  • Emotions – Feelings on the inside that cause pleasure of pain that cause you to move in a certain direction.- God wants you to master you emotions, not let your emotions to control you.
  • Self-control – This is godly feelings that cause you to take control of your soul and spirit – Heb 4:15 says 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.- The Holy Spirit knows what we deal with.

Mark 14:32 says 32 Then they came to a place which was named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, ” Sit here while I pray.”- Prayer causes you to take control of your emotions.

The devil wants you to think you won’t have control of 3 things:

  • Our personality, our circumstance, and our weaknesses – The devil is a lie, because 2 Cor 5:17 says 17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Things to Remember:

  1. Take up the shield of faith which is the word of God – The word keeps offense from hitting my emotion.
  2. God says forgive others is an act of faith – When you forgive, you can’t wait for somebody to say they are sorry. True forgiveness s is not for them, but for you.
  3. Stop reliving the situation – Don’t make your pain fit every story that is told.
  4. Stop making excuses for why you are so easily hurt – Having that tender sport or sensitive subject is nothing more than excuses.
  5. Stop wearing your emotions on your sleeve- How do you know if you are guilty of this? Because people keep asking you what is wrong with you.
  6. Stop trying to get even with people who have hurt you – The greater the offense, the greater your retaliation spirit gets.
  7. Don’t harden your heart. Let it go. – Offense is like this; “I’ll let it go, but the pain won’t let me go. Everywhere I go, the pain goes. ” The longer you hold on, the further you get from your destination.

Let it go!

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Relationship Clinic III, Bible Study 02/25/15

Posted on March 5, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic III

“How do you know if you are ready for marriage?”

Bible Study synopsis 02/25/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker

Marriage is a long time commitment. It can’t be based on a temporary emotion or how you feel about a person. Marriage should be based on a rational assessment of needs. We don’t come together in marriage based on how we feel; we enter marriage with the intentions of meeting our spiritual, physical, and emotional needs along with our short-term and long-term goals.

What’s strange is we spend time in school preparing for our careers, but we don’t spend time preparing for marriage. What should we do when preparing for marriage?

Working on me before we

  1. Self-identity – Do you know who you are? Psa 139:14 says 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.- God created us in a way, that we are unique. If you don’t know who you are, you will look for somebody to define you. When you know who you are, no-one can define you.
  2. Self- sufficient – No one should get married just to get their bills paid or to have a better life. It is God’s intent for you to be able to take care of your own self. Get your own house first, before you get married. Pro 31:16 says 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. – The virtuous woman mentioned in the previous verse is an She is a business woman so to speak. Pro 31:23 says 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. – In other words, they both have it going on. Both the husband and the wife need to have to be productive people of purpose within the relationship.
  3. Self-confident- When you come together in marriage, you should be of one flesh. Two people, who come together in marriage, should compliment each other, not complete each other. Neither party in the relationship should have to give up half of themselves to be with the other. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself or your dreams just to get married. How many of you have heard people say, “He or she makes me complete”? This sounds like half a person looking for another “half person” to complete them. Genesis says be fruitful which means to do something that yields fruit. Do something that yields fruit before you get married! What are you doing to bear fruit? Be fruitful and multiply and know that one shall know a tree by the fruit that it bears. Know that if you are just a ½ of a person before getting with someone, and you give up half of yourself for that person, then you end up being a ¼ of a person which is less than you began with.


 

Must love God first

1 John 5:3 says 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. – Whomever I connect with, must love God. The world will tell you that this is unrealistic, but this is the same world that says the word of God is too hard to live by.

  1. When somebody is in relationship, God should be at the core – 1 John 4:7 –7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. – The essence of a relationship with God at the core is
  2. What does love look like?
  3. It gives – John 3:16 says 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.– Love is not a noun; it is an action. When somebody says they love you, it is giving. This does not necessarily mean to give clothes, flowers, or etc… Giving in other words means to complete a need. You have a right to those needs as well. These needs consist of things like your emotional needs, the physical needs, long-term and short-term goals.
    1. Ministry meets needs – Ministry meets needs. Marriage for instance, is a ministry that meets the needs of the people who are in it. By coming to an altar with someone, you have to believe that all you needs will be met by the union you are about to enter.
  4. Love is visible – Col 3:14 – 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.- An outward expression of love is evidence of love. It does no good to say it, if you don’t show it. Most men that are over 40 never saw their parents express love publically. This is why some men are not able to show affection today. Regardless, love should be Whatever you love maturely will shows up externally. Ex- When you go to a basketball game, and your team is down, you go crazy when they come back and win. You love this team and it shows externally. What you love will show up. 1 Peter 4:8 says 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” – When you get married, you will marry an imperfect person, just like yourself. You will do stupid stuff during your relationship, but the person who loves you, will give you immunity simply because they love you.

Got to prepare for more than the big day

  1. Establish a path of destiny – Psa 37:23 says 23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way. – You are a couple of destiny. Gen 12:5 says 5 Then Abram took Sarai his wife and Lot his brother’s son, and all their possessions that they had gathered, and the people whom they had acquired in Haran, and they departed to go to the land of Canaan. So they came to the land of Canaan.–God told Abraham to go to a land he would show him, but he needed Sarah to go with him, because without Sarah, his blessing would not happen. In a healthy marriage, you got to be willing to take your spouse with you into the blessings.

  1. Lots wife got left behind, because she wasn’t willing to follow her husband into a new life and new place. Remember when they were supposed to leave, Sarah looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. She turned into a pillar of salt, because she was stuck in her past. When you are with a person that is not willing to follow you where God is taking you, then you will end up stuck and salty just like Sarah. Ex – People that fuss about you doing too much for God do so because they are stuck. Amos 3:3 says 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed – we got to make sure we unite with people that we are equally yoked with. We have to be with someone that will share in our goals and visions.
  1. Make sure you both are traveling the same path– Amos 3:3 – 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed – If you have problems with a person in the dating area, it will be the same on the marriage path. – Don’t think you can marry somebody and change or save them. They have to want to change or be saved.
  2. You got to talk – Ex – This is a Public Marriage Counseling Session:

Marriage is not the merger of two lives. Marriage is really the collision of two histories. With marriage, you meet in your right now. You don’t go deep into your past while you are in this moment. You start your relationship in the right now.

The question then comes, what produced the right now? One day the guy is going to say something that makes the female cry. As a result, she acts hysterical and he doesn’t understand why. The truth is, she is not being hysterical, she is being historical. The two never had that conversation about her past issues. You can’t expect him to understand what you haven’t told him. You didn’t tell him, because you don’t trust him with you vulnerabilities. The question then becomes, well why did you get married then? You got to have that deep talk first. You have to have that talk about your past.

As a result of your past, you have needs now. It is ok to talk about you spiritual and physical needs. You don’t explore those physical needs before marriage, but you do talk about them. For example: Person 1: “I like water”, Person 2 “I like juice”. Person 1 “If we get married, would you be willing to try it?”

Now this is what church does to us. You’re not going to take a gospel CD on you honey moon. There is a time for that, but you can’t be so naïve that you don’t have to have that talk. These discussions shouldn’t be taboo. If you don’t have that deep talk then you can’t expect your needs to be met within your marriage. The point is you have to talk. This conversation or this deep talk needs to be about money, communication, your goals and your needs.

  1. Listen – Women, know that men traditionally are not wired to listen. It actually is uncomfortable for a man to listen. In fact if you were to send a text message to your man and tell him that you need to talk, then you will have messed up his whole day. Women on the other hand are communicators. The woman wants to feel comfortable communicating with you. Women, men want you to know that they can talk without talking. They do, but not talk.

Ask yourself the right questions

  1. Can I live with this person for the rest of my life? Assume you are 20yrs old when you get married. 20 years is a score and the bible only promises us a life span of 3 score and ten which is (70). During this time, our bodies will shift and our looks will change. You got to ask yourself, can you sign on to be with this person for the rest of your life despite the changes or hardships? You will not be the same person you are today, 5 yrs. from now. You got to have somebody for your not yet, not you’re right now!
  2. Is this person the right one for me? Don’t be like those people that think “this is the one” every six months.
  3. Will this person love me and my family? You don’t want to connect to a person that can’t interact with your family. This is a package deal.
  4. If sickness or tragedy strikes our family, will this person stick with me? Do you want this person by your sick bed praying for you in the time of tragedy?
  5. Does this person share the same values as I do? Do they share same values as you when it comes to education, life, and dreams?
  6. Can this person and I grow at the same pace? Can they keep up with me?
  7. Can this person handle my flaws without judging me? Pro 4:77 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.- Use wisdom when choosing a mate.

Be honest about you relationship. Don’t be unequally yoked. You got to ask yourself, does this person really get you?

In conclusion here is a quote for you concerning relationships “There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” (Homer) – In other words, you oughtt to see a future with each other. Know that while God is working on you, somewhere else, God is working on another somebody just for you. Not only is he working on somebody for you; he will then orchestrate a way for you to meet that perfect someone for you.

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