RelationShifts V, Bible Study 03/16/16

Posted on April 5, 2016 by growintheword

Relationshifts V

“The new you”

Synopsis of Bible Study 3/16/16

Delivered by Bishop Walker

 

The whole premise of this series was reminding us that relationships go through shifts. Know that everyone in your life, will not be able to go where you are going.

The world tries to make you feel guilty for being new. In fact, you might hear someone tell you that you are acting “brand new”, but know that this is actuality a compliment. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV) says 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. –  There are strategies that we have to follow in order to be free or otherwise, “new”. We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.

Howard Truman wrote “Being free is the ability to deal with the realities of one’s own situation as not to be overcome by them”. This simply reminds us that we have to learn how to let go of the past, embrace the future, and then go into the right direction.

Preparation is required

  1. There are no short cuts to becoming new. God wants everything that is old to be removed. In other words, everything not like God, has to be removed.
  2. God is the refiner. He will deal with the things that are not designed to connect with you. Malachi 3:2 (NKJV) says 2 “But who can endure the day of His coming? And who can stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner’s fire And like launderers’ soap. – God wants you free of contaminants so that you can be free to worship.
  3. God takes us through the fire to get us where we need to be. You are gold, but life causes you to no longer look like gold. Purification requires us to go through the process of being liquefied, so that you can be purified. This is the only way you can reach your full potential. Ex – You are not like you are supposed to be when God finds you, so God takes you through the fire which is the process of refinement. Things attached to you and bring down your value. The liquefy process causes the impurities that have attached to you to come to the surface, so that they can be skimmed away.
    1. We don’t know how to let people go, so God takes us through the fire so that they will let you go. Some people, God allows to purposely fall out your life!
      1. Psalm 139:23-24 (MSG) says 23-24 Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about; See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life. – In order to become true, you got to be willing to go through a spiritual audit.
    2. We all like to have stuff cleaned up around areas that we don’t want touched. Ex – Everybody has that one draw in the kitchen or the laundry room that is considered the junk drawer. You throw anything in there and nothing in it goes together. You kind of keep that drawer closed off to the public. You will clean everything around this drawer spotless, but the drawer always stays in the same shape. This is how we deal with God as well. Everything is good except __________. We want God to overlook that place we filled in the blank with. That ___________ place is the one think about us that stays messy no matter how clean we are in every other aspect of our lives. This is why the Psalmist asked the Lord to examine him.
  4. It’s a process. The length of the process depends on your level of commitment. The fire is important! God takes you through this process, but if you keep jumping out of the fire, you constantly reset the clock. This means if God is taking you through a process and you jump out of it, then you have the start the process all over. 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NKJV) says 58 Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. – If you remain consistent, you will come into the newness of the “new you” faster. You got to be able to stay in the process!

Steps for new direction

  1. You got to have the right mindset. Your mind will quit 100 times before your body will. Philippians 4:8 (NKJV) states 8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
    1. Write down 3 things you know that you need to let go of in order in order for you to become the real you. On that list of 3, whatever doesn’t lineup with the scripture, scratch it out!
    2. If you listed something that is now scratched out, then was it there in the first place? This experiment shows how we allow our minds to be consumed with so many things that block our bandwidth. These things cause us not to be able to receive from God.
  2. Find a reason to commit – You have to get rid of the old you to become the new you. You have to commit to challenge in life. Deuteronomy 7:9 (NKJV) says 9 “Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments; – Commitment is the cousin of We often struggle with being committed. Being Commitment is hard. Often we don’t commit, because you don’t know the value of being consistent.
    1. Example 1: We will decide that we are going to eat right and that we are no longer eat any honey buns, fried food, or ice cream. We go to the gym and we work hard and then we go to the gas station. While inside the store, we see a rack filled with honey buns, we see a freezer full of ice cream, and we smell some fried food in the deli. All of a sudden, we start justifying why we should get the very thing that we are tying to get rid of. What we don’t know is that every time we grab that thing we are trying to get away from, we reset the clock.
    2. Example 2- You Come to church and you receive a word which gets you fired up about the new you. On your way home, you call somebody that you said you were going to let go of. Every time you do this, you reset the clock on the plan that God has for you. You’ve got to have consistency with your commitment.
    3. Consequences can fuel your consistency. One way to keep from going back on your commitment is to ask yourself, “Do you really want to go back to the hell that God delivered you from?” We must think of the consequences.
  3. Focus on what’s important. You got to elevate your thinking. High thinking and loyalty in low places don’t match. Ex- How did the cat catch he bird? The cat was at the bottom of the tree and the bird was at the top of the tree. The cat did tricks and entertained the bird at the bottom of the tree. The bird eventually forgot his purpose was to be up high. Every trick the cat performed, he got closer and closer to the bird. Finally, he was close enough to snatch the bird. You can end up being a victim to what is beneath you if you are not careful.
  4. You got to plan well. You Got to get an understanding for where God is leading you. You plan so you don’t make emotional decisions. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV) says 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
    And He shall direct[a] your paths. – We plan to win!
  5. Take one step at a time – Planning means taking one step at a time. What got you in your old life is saying yes to too much stuff. The new you only does that which is related to your assignment. If it is not part of your assignment, why is it on your schedule? Just because it is a good thing, doesn’t mean you got to die trying to do it. If you try to do too many things that are not part of your assignment, you can end up burning yourself out, and not be effective at the thing God really called you to do.
  6. Invest wisely. 2 Corinthians 9:6 (NKJV) says 6 But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. – Investments you make in you life now, you will reap from now.
    1. Two investments:
      1. There are two investments you can make in the Kingdom. They are bountifully and sparingly – Sow sparingly in kingdom, you won’t reap bountifully. Be frugal, but not cheap. For example, you got to be the first investor in your vision. How you invest in your business, will set the pace for others that sow in your business.
    2. Be willing to make sacrifices – You can’t put all your money on you and not into your business. That’s what kills you being the new you. You got to pour back into your vision. It’s about sacrifices. Some people lament cause they are in college broke. Well, you are supposed to be broke in college. This is a temporary broke state. You have to sacrifice. The bible says in Romans 12:1 (NKJV)12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. – After sacrifice I come ready to serve.
    3. Find accountability .Titus 2:7 (NKJV) says 7 in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility,[a] – Name 2 people that can hold you accountable for what you do. Who can check you? You ought to at least have two people in your life that you allow to check you. You got to be at a place where you hold yourself accountable. You need somebody that you can call and get a accountability from.

Positioned for results

  1. You got to be intentional about your future. In Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) it says 11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
  2. Your investments today yield fruit for tomorrow. Luke 6:38 (NKJV) says 38 Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”- The seeds you sow now, are yielding your future. The money you save in your 20s, 30s, and 40s , will help you in your 50s, 60s, 70s. The stuff you didn’t save in your 20s, 30s, and 40s, you are hating yourself for in your 50s, 60s, and 70s. The things you put in your body in your 20s, 30s, and 40s, you will pay for in the 50s, 60s, and 70s. You got to learn that it will take a little time, but will pay off.
  3. When you are in Christ, a new life is guaranteed. Ephesians 2:4-6 (NKJV) 4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, – Imagine winning in every area of your life. If your character is not new, it is like the Beverly hillbillies when you get to the place God promised you. You are the hillbillies residing in Beverly Hills.
  4. A new life calls for a new environment. 2 Corinthians 6:15-18 (MSG) 14-18 Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: “I’ll live in them, move into them; I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people.
    So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good,” says God. “Don’t link up with those who will pollute you. I want you all for myself. I’ll be a Father to you; you’ll be sons and daughters to me.” The Word of the Master, God. – In closing, do you know who you are? When you change, your environment changes. When you change, you might have to reintroduce yourself to those who can’t handle it.
  5. We are chosen generation. 1 Peter 2:9 (NKJV) says 9 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;

 

 

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Relationship IV, Bible Study 3/9/16

Posted on March 25, 2016 by growintheword

Relationship IV

How to bounce back from negative relationships

Synopsis of Bible Study March 9, 2016

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

 

Everyone has experienced the impact of a negative relationship. Whether it be on the job or maybe with your significant other, you know impact of a relationship being negative.

Negative relationships can have a negative impact on us. Ex-There is a commercial that depicts a car salesman trying to close a deal on a car. As a result, the customer asks the salesman to show them the Carfax report. This is more important than you may think. The Carfax report lets us know of potential problems that could occur as a result of something that may have happened to the vehicle before you tried to purchase it. The car could have been in a wreck, flooded, or been exposed to other damage. In like manner, wouldn’t it be nice if we could check our relationship-Carfax report? Before you close the deal or make an emotional investment, know that you are about to enter a relationship (making an investment) with someone who has had a past. Just like the Carfax report, you might find out that there may have been drivers before you that wrecked the relationship and left significant damage. As a result, it could have been cosmetically covered up, but underneath, there is still significant damage. Wouldn’t it have been good to have a relationship-Carfax report on some of your relationships you got involved with before? Just like the information found on the carfax report, you could have made a more informed decision about connecting, before you got into the relationship. Lots of our pain has come, because we didn’t know all about the person we were about to unit.

How do we bounce back?

Romans 8:28 (NKJV) says 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

    1. We have to learn how to live forward. You can’t move forward until you can let go of the past. The key to bouncing back is to deal with the pain you experience. You can’t conqueror what you will not confront!
  • You have been hurt, but at some point you’ve got to examine what is it in you that created patterns that landed you into these situations. There is nothing wrong with forming an analysis of failed relationships. You got to come to a place where you avoid key failures.
    1. How can we gather lessons from what happened to avoid cycles? Proverbs 4:7 (NKJV) says 7 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. – Wisdom comes from experience and divine revelation.
    2. James 1:5 (NKJV) says 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. – You can have all the data you want, but wisdom lets you know if it is good for you. Things often look good on paper, but it is different in reality. Lots of people look good, but may not necessarily be good for you. Just because it is a good thing doesn’t mean it’s a God thing. You have to use wisdom.

 

Must have proper placement of past

  1. You got to put the past behind you. If the person, place, or thing didn’t survive your shift from then to now, then you know that they don’t belong with you in this season. You got to learn to leave them in the season that the relationship ended. You shift, going from glory to glory, because of who you are in God. People designed to be with you will survive your shift! Ex- Look at life as levels compared to a scale from 0-10. What if you and the person you are with start out headed in the same direction? You experience level 1, 2, and even 3 together, but then after you leave level 4, they remain there while you progress on to level 5. What if you make it all the way to level 9 while the one you are in relationship with remains at level 4? At this point, you got a choice to make: You either got to accommodate a level 4 or pursue a level 10.
  2. Some people will only ever be 4s and they are cool with this. They don’t want to see any more than they have already seen, they don’t want to get any more education, they don’t want to move from their parents’ home, and or anything else. They are satisfied where they are. Some people are just going to be level 4s no matter what. When you are a level 7 that is dealing with a level 4, you can’t dummy down to the level 4’s or you will miss your level 10 opportunity.
    1. When it comes to matters on the job, a level 7 will not follow the leadership of a level 4. Putting the two together is just going to cause problems. It is difficult to make a person go where they don’t want to be or come down to a level that they have already surpassed. You can’t make a cat into a dog, or a chicken into a eagle, or a trick into a treat!
  3. Leave them in that season and be ok with it. If you are not carful you will let level 4s make you feel guilty for going after your level 10. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV) says 3 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:- Know that there is a season for everything. Maybe your season is up for this level 4 you are with.

Things that will help you get over your past

    1. Admit that it is over and move on.
    2. Don’t be afraid to deal with broken emotions. Talk to somebody, get your cry out, or get therapy if need be.
    3. Identify what brings joy and do more of it.
    4. Embrace the positive and get rid of the negative.
    5. Recognize that your future is bigger than a failed relationship. Some people think there is not life after relationship. Know that your future is so much bigger than that.
  • Learn to wait patiently on new relationships. Stop being so thirsty! Don’t go from one relationship to the next.

 

    1. Rebound relationships often end as failed relationships. Psalm 27:14 (NKJV) 14 Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!
  1. Acknowledge the pain of what you’ve experienced. Ignoring your pain has negative side effects. A Harvard study found that those who bottle up their pain are 140% more prone to have heart disease and 130% more likely to have cancer. Hearing the results of these studies tells us that we need to start talking. God wants to see you us free from the pain of our past. Isaiah 61:1-3 (NKJV) says 61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, 3 To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” – If you give God this, he’ll give you that. You got to come to a place where you say, “Lord I resign and give to your will”.
  2. Learn lessons from what you’ve gone through. Philippians 4:11(NKJV) says 11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: – I learned that whatever life threw at me, it is well with my soul. You don’t just wake up with this attitude, you learn have to learn this.
    1. Philippians 4:12 (NKJV) 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. – Everybody reading this, needs, varying experiences. Everybody needs a variety of situations. If you’ve never known what it’s like to wonder where the next meal was going to come from or if the next check was coming in, then you will be the one that jumps off the bridge, if the bottom falls out in your life. Ex – We thank God for Panera bread, but we also thank God for the bologna-cheese crackers and Kool-Aid experience. We need to know what it is like to fill a car up when all is well, but we also need to know what it is like to fill car up, just before the car quits running. Next time you are in a downswing, you ought to look at it like you are just in training.
    2. 2 Timothy 3:14 (NKJV) 14 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, – Continue in this stuff. Stay in your lessons.
    3. Philippians 4:9 (NKJV) 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. – Learn from your experiences, then you gain peace for your life. Ex- You have to think like this: “This isn’t the first time your lights been cut off “ or “This ain’t the first time that the tuition was do and I didn’t have the money”. You simply have the peace to know that God will make everything all right.

Dealing with your past can delay with present

  1. Don’t let this situation define your situation. Psalm 139:14 (NKJV) says 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a] Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. – Some people were so fun, but then the one day, the air got knocked of them and they became what happened to them. Don’t allow this happen to you.
  1. Romans 8:37 (NKJV) 37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. – Deal with your right now.
  2. Proverbs 4:25 (NKJV) 25 Let your eyes look straight ahead, And your eyelids look right before you.- Take your past off the on demand feature in your mind. Don’t allow past relationships to have room to play in your life.
  3. Some things you got to delete. Some stuff you got to empty out of your spirit. Philippians 3:13 (NKJV) says 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, – It doesn’t mean you have to have amnesias about what happen, but you simply don’t allow it to influence your current situation.

Pursuit of promise

  1. You have to throw out the stuff in your past. Openly receive what God has for your life. Hebrews 12:1(NKJV) says 12 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us -You can’t run to your destiny with leg weights (problems of your past) on.
  2. You were made to be resilient – The drama that led to our demise, may have caught us by surprise, but it didn’t surprise God. Psalm 121:1 (NKJV) says 1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.- Look to the hills where your help comes from. This causes you to be in a posture of looking up and expecting.
    1. Resilience is knowing that our greatest setback was a setup for our comeback. If you take a ball and bounce it, the force you bounce the ball with is the same force at which the ball comes back. If you don’t want to deal with the setback, don’t ask for the comeback.
  1. There is always a desired attempt of the enemy when he attacks you. He has in his plan a desired reaction, before he does the assault. He doesn’t want what he is attacking. He wants the reaction from you. For example, Satan doesn’t want your money; he wants your reaction to not having any. Satan doesn’t want your job; Instead, he wants your depression from not having one. He doesn’t want your marriage, he wants your children. He wants your reaction to what has happened. Biblically, God said have you considered my servant job, and the devil says if you remove the hedge, and let me act, I guarantee you that he will react in a negative way. God allowed it, because he knew something about Job that he knows about you. He knows at the greatest attack, you will show up just like you did, before. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 (NKJV) 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. We are not going to give the devil this victory. Know that whatever Satan throws at us, we will throw back at him! If the devil throws worry, we will throw our praise!
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RelationSHIFTS Part III, Bible Study 03/02/16

Posted on March 10, 2016 by growintheword

RelationSHIFTS Part III

How do you know?: Discerning the level of relationships

Synopsis of Bible Study 03/02/16

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

 

What is love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NKJV) says 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. –The main thing to remember her is that love produces fruit.

 

Henry cloud wrote a book called “Boundaries”. In it he writes “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.” ― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

For a long term relationship, there has to be some strategies. Every relationship has to begin with a friendship. If you are not friends with the person you are relationship with, then you could connect with enemy and not even know it.

Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) 24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, [a]   But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. -Jesus lays down his life for his friends, so this is an example that tells us that we can’t go into friendship too lightly. In this society, with social media and all, we can make a friend with a click of button.

Cultivate relationship connections

How to make good decisions concerning relationships:

  1. Find someone who you connect with easily – Connecting with the right individual will require the meeting of the minds. Opposites only attract to a certain extent. Connecting goes beyond the physical attraction. You got to connect spiritually and intellectually

Amos 3:3 (NKJV) says 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? – Your left and right foot work in agreement with each, otherwise you could not walk. If the left and right foot wasn’t in agreement over who would step next, this would cause a problem. This is often what happens in relationship; You end up going into different directions, but you still want to stay connected.

  1. During the dating phase, you have to recognize that your paths are different. You can’t travel different roads thinking that someday you will finally connect. This makes no sense!
  2. Marriage is not the cure for relationship issues. Often this is what we have been taught though. We push people to the altar!
    1. Old preachers used to say, “You got pregnant so, now you got to make it right!” This is not a good idea! You made one mistake, so why would you want to make another? Getting married is not going to make it right.
    2. If a situation or issue is problematic during your dating, it will be problematic in the marriage. If they don’t cook or clean and they are nasty when you are dating, it is not going to get better after you get married.
  3. Select people with the same beliefs. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV) says 14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness – Being equally yoked goes beyond the spiritual level.
    1. Being equally yoked also includes being equally yoked financially and emotionally.
  4. Spend time getting to know each other. Don’t let your biology clock dictate your timing. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV) says 3 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: – Take your time and you will be amazed at what you will discover.
    1. We often rush into relationships and this makes us have crazy expectations on stuff. Ecclesiastes 3:11a (NKJV) says 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. – God makes perfect relationships in time. Take your time! Timing is everything.
    2. “There is nothing more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” ― Homer, The Odyssey

Understand the emotional needs of others

  1. Relationship is not the merging of to lives, but rather the collision of two histories.

1 Peter 3:8-9 says (NKJV) says 8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;[a] 9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. – You got to learn to make the determination to see if you have the capacity to handle the person you are trying to be in relationship with, both emotionally and spiritually?

  1. You have to ask, did you sign up for this? Some people are in their feelings all the time. This can be taxing both emotionally and spiritually. A lot could have been avoided in most relationships if this had been assessed with honesty in the beginning stages of the relationships. We simply don’t have the conversations honestly about our history. We owe this to the people we are with.
  2. Constantly stay communicative. We have to affirm our love language.
  3. Different types of love langue expressed:
  4. It is a word of affirmation. In other words, we say it. We communicate with words that we love the other person.
  5. Acts of service – For some people, action speaks louder than words. They like for us to show how will about them by how act and what we do.
  6. Receiving gifts – Traditionally, love has always been communicated and associated with gifts. This is why Christmas is so big. For this type of person, little things mean a lot. Such as you bringing them Starbucks during a long day or stopping by with a biscuit, because you know that they left in a hurry and didn’t eat breakfast.
  7. Quality time – Some men can multitask, meaning they can be sitting with their wife, but working on the computer or checking the email at the same time. This often doesn’t work. She wants your complete attention.
  8. Physical touch – Some people need you to hold their hand every now and then. They want your body language to show your affection.

Marriage is Ministry

Ministry means to meet a need. How then can I meet your need if I don’t know what your need is? All I am doing at this point is assuming. If I don’t know your love language, then all I can do is assume. This makes me equate my love to you the wrong way. You have to be honest about your love language.

  1. Effective communication must become a priority – Proverbs 15:4 (NKJV) says 4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.- How you say something can sometimes make a big difference. Proverbs 16:24 (NKJV) says 24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. , Ecclesiastes 10:12 (NIV) says 12 Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips.- You have to learn how to communicate!
    1. You can’t be combative ever time you talk.
  2. You have to listen. James 1:19 (NKJV) says 19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; – You have to learn to listen. Ex – Listening has two sides: On one side, there is talking and on the other hand, there is One side is on when while the other side is off. Then the roles reverse, but one side is still on and the other side is off. It’s almost like watching a ping-pong match. One serves and the other returns.
    1. Notice that the word silent and the word listen have the same letters in them.
  3. Create realistic categories.
    1. Comrades – They will fight with you (on your side) no matter what, just like Peter was with Jesus. They are your ride or die! Proverbs 17:17 (NKJV) says 17 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
    2. Friend zone or life long partner – If your relationship is not for keeps, you got to know the terms and the term limits. Often, we can know that the relationship doesn’t have long-term potential, but we invest in it anyway.
    3. How do you know this? The Holy Spirit tells you when to go and when not to go all in. It’s like a traffic light; He gives you red, green, or yellow. Green means go, red means I’ll holla, and yellow means be cautious. Proverbs 4:7 (NKJV) says 7 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.- Get wisdom and understanding!

7 things you need to ask before you commit

  1. Can I live with this person for the rest of my life? If you are in your 20s, you will not be the same person 10 yrs from now. Even some of the things you like now, you won’t like 10 yrs from now. The same will be with your mate. Can you make it through this for the rest of your life?
  2. Is this person the right one for me? People can be a nice person, yet still not be the one.
  3. Will this person love you and your family? For the most part, people have strong ties to their family, especially in the south. It is hard to have a relationship, if you can’t stand the in-laws.
  4. If sickness or tragedy strikes your family, will this person stay strong and stay with you?
  5. Does this person share the same values you do? Do they believe the same as you do concerning church, education, and the raising of children?
  6. Can this person and I grow together at the same pace? This means, will you don’t have to wait on them to reach every milestone? Remember you want to win together!
  7. Can this person handle your flaws without judging you? Can they know the worse about you and believe God for the best of you?
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RelationShifts Part II, Bible Study 02/24/16

Posted on March 3, 2016 by growintheword

relationShifts

RelationSHIFTS Part II

How to be the man / woman that God wants you to be

Synopsis of Bible Study 02/24/16

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

 

One problem with trying to be the man or woman that God called you to be is there aren’t many people in our families that we can model after. Not having any models or good examples to mimic causes us to display, dysfunction.

Today we will focus on a key verse which is Psalms 139:14 (NKJV) and it says 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a] Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

In trying to become the man or woman that God called us to be, we have to have some strategies.

Below will list some strategies to help us achieve this goal.

Strategies

Know that:

  1. Your horizontal relationships are only happy if vertical relationship (with God) is healthy.
  2. We have to admit that we are all evolving. We have not arrived yet. Pratical principels.

 

Men:

It is important to learn to be the man God wants you to be. To be the man that God wants you to be, you must:

  1. We mus first know how to be a man after Gods heart. Acts 13:22 (NKJV) says 22 And when He had removed him, He raised up for them David as king, to whom also He gave testimony and said, ‘I have found David[a] the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.’[b] – A man after Gods heart is a man who at his core, wants to do Gods will. An example of this being played out is in the Garden of Gethsemane. Here Jesus suffers as a man. What is important to know here is he asks God to let the cup pass from him, but in the end he says, “… let thou will (God’s will) be done”. We have to let God’s will be the center in our life.
  • Characteristics of man after Gods own heart.
  1. Responsive – David responded to Gods call without delay. Know that responsive in this context can be also mean responsible. 1 Samuel 16:22-23 (NKJV) 22 Then Saul sent to Jesse, saying, “Please let David stand before me, for he has found favor in my sight.” 23 And so it was, whenever the spirit from God was upon Saul, that David would take a harp and play it with his hand. Then Saul would become refreshed and well, and the distressing spirit would depart from him. – A man after Gods heart doesn’t have to be prompted to respond. He just knows when to act.
    1. There are some things men are supposed to do, just because we are men of God. We don’t have to be asked to get up and go to work. We just do it, because as men of God, we know that this is something we are supposed to do. To respond is to be
  2. Resourceful – David knew how to get the job done. A man of God is not just responsible, he is resourceful. 1 Samuel 17:40 (NKJV) says 40 Then he took his staff in his hand; and he chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag, in a pouch which he had, and his sling was in his hand. And he drew near to the Philistine. – David took a sling shot and rocks and slayed the giant, Goliath. No where did the scripture say he was told to do this. David knew this was something that had to be done. He did what he could do and let God do the rest.
    1. A man after God’s heart takes what he has and makes things happen. Men after God’s own heart can make stuff happen and the family never knows what he is working on. For example, the lights can be turned off for just one night and he might play it off by planning a candlelight.
  3. Respectful – A man after God’s own heart is respectful. He is also respectful of God’s presence. 2 Samuel 24:18-24 (NKJV)18 And Gad came that day to David and said to him, “Go up, erect an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.” 19 So David, according to the word of Gad, went up as the Lord commanded. 20 Now Araunah looked, and saw the king and his servants coming toward him. So Araunah went out and bowed before the king with his face to the ground. 21 Then Araunah said, “Why has my lord the king come to his servant?” And David said, “To buy the threshing floor from you, to build an altar to the Lord, that the plague may be withdrawn from the people.” 22 Now Araunah said to David, “Let my lord the king take and offer up whatever seems good to him. Look, here are oxen for burnt sacrifice, and threshing implements and the yokes of the oxen for wood. 23 All these, O king, Araunah has given to the king.”And Araunah said to the king, “May the Lord your God accept you.”24 Then the king said to Araunah, “No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price; nor will I offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing.” So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver. 25 And David built there an altar to the Lord, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. So the Lord heeded the prayers for the land, and the plague was withdrawn from Israel. (NKJV) – David wouldn’t let Araunah give it to him the threshing floor. He wanted to buy it. He invested in it. Respectful men in relationship to God don’t want something for nothing. Men after God’s on heart are willing to invest into the kingdom and they want to give their best to God. If a man doesn’t invest into the kingdom, he won’t invest in you. Ladies; If you are with a man that will not give their best to God, you can be sure he won’t give his best to you. A man after God’s own heart is not going to ask God for something and never give God anything back in return. If they do God like that, they will do you like that.
  4. Relevant- David was a man of prayer. David wanted to build a house for God. 1 Chronicles 17:11-12 (NKJV) says 11 And it shall be, when your days are fulfilled, when you must go to be with your fathers, that I will set up your seed after you, who will be of your sons; and I will establish his kingdom. 12 He shall build Me a house, and I will establish his throne forever.
  5. Reliable – David was man found giving steadfast love to God and he loved others. , 1 Chronicles 17:16-27 (NKJV) says 16 Then King David went in and sat before the Lord; and he said: “Who am I, O Lord God? And what is my house, that You have brought me this far? 17 And yet this was a small thing in Your sight, O God; and You have also spoken of Your servant’s house for a great while to come, and have regarded me according to the rank of a man of high degree, O Lord God. 18 What more can David say to You for the honor of Your servant? For You know Your servant. 19 O Lord, for Your servant’s sake, and according to Your own heart, You have done all this greatness, in making known all these great things. 20 O Lord, there is none like You, nor is there any God besides You, according to all that we have heard with our ears. 21 And who is like Your people Israel, the one nation on the earth whom God went to redeem for Himself as a people—to make for Yourself a name by great and awesome deeds, by driving out nations from before Your people whom You redeemed from Egypt? 22 For You have made Your people Israel Your very own people forever; and You, Lord, have become their God. 23 “And now, O Lord, the word which You have spoken concerning Your servant and concerning his house, let it be established forever, and do as You have said. 24 So let it be established, that Your name may be magnified forever, saying, ‘The Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, is Israel’s God.’ And let the house of Your servant David be established before You. 25 For You, O my God, have revealed to Your servant that You will build him a house. Therefore Your servant has found it in his heart to pray before You. 26 And now, Lord, You are God, and have promised this goodness to Your servant. 27 Now You have been pleased to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue before You forever; for You have blessed it, O Lord, and it shall be blessed forever.”,
    1. 1 Samuel 16:11 (NKJV) 11 And Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all the young men here?” Then he said, “There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep.”And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and bring him. For we will not sit down[a] till he comes here.” ,
    2. 2 Samuel 6:21-22 (NKJV) 21 So David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me instead of your father and all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel. Therefore I will play music before the Lord. 22 And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor.”-His word meant something. David could be counted on. If you say you are going to do something, you got to do it. Ex – Being a father to a daughter is game changer. Bishop went out of town, but he told his daughter that he would be back to pick her up right after school. She was so excited that she told everyone at school that her Dad was going pick her up after school. When Bishop arrived, she told him, “You said you would pick me up”. Even at 3 yrs old, Bishop’s daughter expects her Dad to do what he says he is going to do. Hopefully this sets up an expectation so she expects the same out of a man when she starts dating.
  6. Reverent – The psalms is filled with David’s awe for God. Psalm 34:1 (NKJV) says 34 I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth., Psalm 18:3 (NKJV) says 3 I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies. , – David did not mind being outwardly expressive in his adoration towards God. He didn’t mind the outward expression of his affection towards God either. As men, we have been trained to think its proper to be soft when worshiping God in public. The problem with this is, when our favorite ball team is playing, we are not soft or silent.
    1. Men that don’t display public adoration to God, will not display public affection with their mate. Most people grew up and never saw their father kiss their mother. It seemed like they were more like roommates. If you find a man that worships and loves God, he’ll love on you.
  7. Repentant – A godly man is not perfect. He will make mistakes. David made a mistake, but he repented as soon as he messed up, and God still used him. Psalm 51:10 (NKJV) says 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. – David repented. God will bless you if you Ladies; If the guy you are with won’t tell God he is sorry, he won’t look at you and say he is sorry. If he is not transparent with God, he won’t be transparent with anyone else.
  8. Commit your way to God. Genesis 2:15 (NKJV) says 15 Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. Psalm 37:5 (NKJV) says 5 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. , Isaiah 1:19 (NKJV) says 19 If you are willing and obedient, You shall eat the good of the land; – As a man of God, we have got to commit to the will of God.

 

Women

To be the woman God wants you to be you must:

Operate with the spirit of grace and wisdom –Proverbs 31:1-10 (NKJV) says 31 The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him: 2 What, my son? And what, son of my womb? And what, son of my vows? 3 Do not give your strength to women, Nor your ways to that which destroys kings. 4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, It is not for kings to drink wine, Nor for princes intoxicating drink; 5 Lest they drink and forget the law, And pervert the justice of all the afflicted. 6 Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart.7 Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more. 8 Open your mouth for the speechless, In the cause of all who are appointed to die.[a] 9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, And plead the cause of the poor and needy. 10 Who[b] can find a virtuous[c] wife? For her worth is far above rubies. – No matter what your status is (whether dating, courting, or married), these principles apply to you.

 

Principles for a woman after Gods own heart:

  1. Private – A woman of God values discretion. She can’t be a woman that tells everything. Proverbs 31:11 says (NKJV) 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. – The whole point is people ought to be able to trust you with stuff. Ex– Bishop shares that right to this day, he can go and talk to his mom about something private, and she will take it to the grave.
  2. Peaceful – Proverbs 31:12 says (NKJV) 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. –   A Godly woman is not a brawler. This is not who God called you to be. You are a queen and you shouldn’t be on social media going back and forth with people over stuff. Queens don’t come off their throne to deal with jokers.
    1. Your house has to be a place of peace. Your children and your husband ought to enjoy coming home after a long day at work or school.
  3. Prosperous –Proverbs 31:13-14 (NKJV) says 13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. – A woman after God’s own heart is happy to make it happen for herself and her family. She doesn’t have to wait for a man to take her. God wants you to have your own stuff. You don’t approach relationships with the phrase, “what can he do for me?” You are a queen. There’s is nothing like a prosperous man!
  4. Productive – Proverbs 31:15 (NKJV) says 15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. – The scripture says the woman after God’s own heart gets up while everyone else is sleep and makes sure there is food in the pantry and toilet paper in the bathroom. She has thought about everything ahead of time.
    1. Because of what she does, the husband doesn’t have to get anything anywhere else, because everything he needs is at home. Ex- Bishop explains how he used to go crazy when the Popsicle truck came. They used to chase it down the road every time it came around. Bishop’s mom used to say, “I don’t know why you are chasing that truck? You are after something that you already have in your house (speaking of popsicles in the freezer).” And she would continue saying say, “And you know as soon as the truck leaves you, it will meet somebody else on another street”. This is sort of a parallel illustration of a non-virtuous woman.
5.      Prominent –Proverbs 31:16-17 (NKJV) says 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. – She is so prominent that when she shows up, everyone knows she means business. She doesn’t play. When she shows up, everyone recognizes her value and they feel that they have to come up to her value.

6.      She is perceptive – Proverbs 31:18-20 (NKJV) says 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night. 19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle. 20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. – God gave women a third eye. Men; when a God fearing woman says not to trust a woman because she has a bad feeling about them, then believe them! Ex -The Scribes and Pharisees brings trumped up charges against Jesus and wants him crucified, but they need the Roman’s backing to do it, they take Jesus in the middle of the night to see Pilate. While waiting to hear the case, Pilate’s wife told him not to have anything to do with Jesus, because she had a dream about Jesus. As a result, Pilate told the Scribes and Pharisees to take Jesus to Herod. He didn’t want anything to do with Jesus because of what his wife had said.

a.      Ladies; Please kno that if you allow you mind to be cluttered with mess, then you are not able to use this third eye. Too much junk in your system will clog up your bandwith.
  1. Praiseworthy – Proverbs 31:21 (NKJV) says 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. – Everyone calls her blessed. Her reputation affirms the notion that she is blessed.

Recognize your image is a reflection of God

Genesis 1:27 (NKJV) says 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. – When you have these characteristics (the image of God), you command a certain level or standard from people that are around you.

  1. Remember that God gave you dominion on the earth. Genesis 1:28 (NKJV) says 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” – You have joint dominion on the earth with your mate. Together you two must operate in a kingdom agenda.
  2. When you become the man or woman that God wants you be, you attract what you are. If you keep attracting abusive, crazy, or silly people it is because you attract what the enemy sees in you.

 

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