Relationship Clinic III, Bible Study 02/25/15

Posted on March 5, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic III

“How do you know if you are ready for marriage?”

Bible Study synopsis 02/25/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker

Marriage is a long time commitment. It can’t be based on a temporary emotion or how you feel about a person. Marriage should be based on a rational assessment of needs. We don’t come together in marriage based on how we feel; we enter marriage with the intentions of meeting our spiritual, physical, and emotional needs along with our short-term and long-term goals.

What’s strange is we spend time in school preparing for our careers, but we don’t spend time preparing for marriage. What should we do when preparing for marriage?

Working on me before we

  1. Self-identity – Do you know who you are? Psa 139:14 says 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.- God created us in a way, that we are unique. If you don’t know who you are, you will look for somebody to define you. When you know who you are, no-one can define you.
  2. Self- sufficient – No one should get married just to get their bills paid or to have a better life. It is God’s intent for you to be able to take care of your own self. Get your own house first, before you get married. Pro 31:16 says 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. – The virtuous woman mentioned in the previous verse is an She is a business woman so to speak. Pro 31:23 says 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. – In other words, they both have it going on. Both the husband and the wife need to have to be productive people of purpose within the relationship.
  3. Self-confident- When you come together in marriage, you should be of one flesh. Two people, who come together in marriage, should compliment each other, not complete each other. Neither party in the relationship should have to give up half of themselves to be with the other. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself or your dreams just to get married. How many of you have heard people say, “He or she makes me complete”? This sounds like half a person looking for another “half person” to complete them. Genesis says be fruitful which means to do something that yields fruit. Do something that yields fruit before you get married! What are you doing to bear fruit? Be fruitful and multiply and know that one shall know a tree by the fruit that it bears. Know that if you are just a ½ of a person before getting with someone, and you give up half of yourself for that person, then you end up being a ¼ of a person which is less than you began with.


 

Must love God first

1 John 5:3 says 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. – Whomever I connect with, must love God. The world will tell you that this is unrealistic, but this is the same world that says the word of God is too hard to live by.

  1. When somebody is in relationship, God should be at the core – 1 John 4:7 –7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. – The essence of a relationship with God at the core is
  2. What does love look like?
  3. It gives – John 3:16 says 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.– Love is not a noun; it is an action. When somebody says they love you, it is giving. This does not necessarily mean to give clothes, flowers, or etc… Giving in other words means to complete a need. You have a right to those needs as well. These needs consist of things like your emotional needs, the physical needs, long-term and short-term goals.
    1. Ministry meets needs – Ministry meets needs. Marriage for instance, is a ministry that meets the needs of the people who are in it. By coming to an altar with someone, you have to believe that all you needs will be met by the union you are about to enter.
  4. Love is visible – Col 3:14 – 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.- An outward expression of love is evidence of love. It does no good to say it, if you don’t show it. Most men that are over 40 never saw their parents express love publically. This is why some men are not able to show affection today. Regardless, love should be Whatever you love maturely will shows up externally. Ex- When you go to a basketball game, and your team is down, you go crazy when they come back and win. You love this team and it shows externally. What you love will show up. 1 Peter 4:8 says 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” – When you get married, you will marry an imperfect person, just like yourself. You will do stupid stuff during your relationship, but the person who loves you, will give you immunity simply because they love you.

Got to prepare for more than the big day

  1. Establish a path of destiny – Psa 37:23 says 23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way. – You are a couple of destiny. Gen 12:5 says 5 Then Abram took Sarai his wife and Lot his brother’s son, and all their possessions that they had gathered, and the people whom they had acquired in Haran, and they departed to go to the land of Canaan. So they came to the land of Canaan.–God told Abraham to go to a land he would show him, but he needed Sarah to go with him, because without Sarah, his blessing would not happen. In a healthy marriage, you got to be willing to take your spouse with you into the blessings.

  1. Lots wife got left behind, because she wasn’t willing to follow her husband into a new life and new place. Remember when they were supposed to leave, Sarah looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. She turned into a pillar of salt, because she was stuck in her past. When you are with a person that is not willing to follow you where God is taking you, then you will end up stuck and salty just like Sarah. Ex – People that fuss about you doing too much for God do so because they are stuck. Amos 3:3 says 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed – we got to make sure we unite with people that we are equally yoked with. We have to be with someone that will share in our goals and visions.
  1. Make sure you both are traveling the same path– Amos 3:3 – 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed – If you have problems with a person in the dating area, it will be the same on the marriage path. – Don’t think you can marry somebody and change or save them. They have to want to change or be saved.
  2. You got to talk – Ex – This is a Public Marriage Counseling Session:

Marriage is not the merger of two lives. Marriage is really the collision of two histories. With marriage, you meet in your right now. You don’t go deep into your past while you are in this moment. You start your relationship in the right now.

The question then comes, what produced the right now? One day the guy is going to say something that makes the female cry. As a result, she acts hysterical and he doesn’t understand why. The truth is, she is not being hysterical, she is being historical. The two never had that conversation about her past issues. You can’t expect him to understand what you haven’t told him. You didn’t tell him, because you don’t trust him with you vulnerabilities. The question then becomes, well why did you get married then? You got to have that deep talk first. You have to have that talk about your past.

As a result of your past, you have needs now. It is ok to talk about you spiritual and physical needs. You don’t explore those physical needs before marriage, but you do talk about them. For example: Person 1: “I like water”, Person 2 “I like juice”. Person 1 “If we get married, would you be willing to try it?”

Now this is what church does to us. You’re not going to take a gospel CD on you honey moon. There is a time for that, but you can’t be so naïve that you don’t have to have that talk. These discussions shouldn’t be taboo. If you don’t have that deep talk then you can’t expect your needs to be met within your marriage. The point is you have to talk. This conversation or this deep talk needs to be about money, communication, your goals and your needs.

  1. Listen – Women, know that men traditionally are not wired to listen. It actually is uncomfortable for a man to listen. In fact if you were to send a text message to your man and tell him that you need to talk, then you will have messed up his whole day. Women on the other hand are communicators. The woman wants to feel comfortable communicating with you. Women, men want you to know that they can talk without talking. They do, but not talk.

Ask yourself the right questions

  1. Can I live with this person for the rest of my life? Assume you are 20yrs old when you get married. 20 years is a score and the bible only promises us a life span of 3 score and ten which is (70). During this time, our bodies will shift and our looks will change. You got to ask yourself, can you sign on to be with this person for the rest of your life despite the changes or hardships? You will not be the same person you are today, 5 yrs. from now. You got to have somebody for your not yet, not you’re right now!
  2. Is this person the right one for me? Don’t be like those people that think “this is the one” every six months.
  3. Will this person love me and my family? You don’t want to connect to a person that can’t interact with your family. This is a package deal.
  4. If sickness or tragedy strikes our family, will this person stick with me? Do you want this person by your sick bed praying for you in the time of tragedy?
  5. Does this person share the same values as I do? Do they share same values as you when it comes to education, life, and dreams?
  6. Can this person and I grow at the same pace? Can they keep up with me?
  7. Can this person handle my flaws without judging me? Pro 4:77 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.- Use wisdom when choosing a mate.

Be honest about you relationship. Don’t be unequally yoked. You got to ask yourself, does this person really get you?

In conclusion here is a quote for you concerning relationships “There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” (Homer) – In other words, you oughtt to see a future with each other. Know that while God is working on you, somewhere else, God is working on another somebody just for you. Not only is he working on somebody for you; he will then orchestrate a way for you to meet that perfect someone for you.

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Relationship Clinic II, Bible Study 02/11/15

Posted on February 17, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic II

“How do you know when it’s time to go or let go?”

Bible Study synopsis 02/11/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker

God’s desire is for us to be in a healthy relationship

  1. We should all be in a value added relationship. This includes every area of our lives; job relationships, personal relationships, and etc… Isa 43:18-19 18 “Do not remember the former things,Nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. -The prophet is speaking to people that have experienced They have wounds, but Isaiah speaks to the next area of their lives. God had great plans for their lives.
  2. Many relationships are built to last. They are rooted in love, grounded in faith, and grow by grace. Some relationships don’t have this same foundation. They are doomed to fail from the very beginning. You can tell when a relationship is not built on the right foundation Matt 7:24-27– 24 ” Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. 26 ” But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand:27 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.-
    1. An example of this would be, somebody entered into relationship and God was at the center of this relationship. They did everything according to God’s will and his way. The inevitable trials came, but that relationship survived, because their relationship was built and based on the word (which is the rock).
    2. Another example would be, there was a relationship built and the members of that relationship never came to church, never read the word, and never allowed God to be at the center of their relationship. Challenges came; one lost their job, family members got into their relationship, they had medical situations, and etc… As a result of all this, the lovely relationship fell because it wasn’t built on the rock.
  3. Got to make sure your relationship is built on the rock. Recognize when it is time to let it go.

Recognize the season

Ecc 3:1 1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:

How do you know when it is time for your relationship to change?

  1. Don’t ignore signs of major change. Acknowledge it, admit it, and address it.
    1. No matter what, you know when you relationship is changing.
      1. Acknowledge it – John 7:24 says 24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”– Don’t fail to apply righteous judgment to your situation. You can sense this.
      2. Admit it –1 Thess 5:21 says 21 Test all things; hold fast what is good.- Test everything. Admit that something isn’t right.
  • Address it– Either you are working through it or you are walking away, because staying in it is not healthy.
  1. Understand reason for change – Pro 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. – Ask the Lord to give you the reason for why this thing is changing. Ex-Maybe you work too much and you thought the problem was you needed to be home more. You tried it but things are still not working. Now you are troubled about why things changed so much. If you go to God, he can show you why things have changed.
  2. Be truthful about your unmet desires and needs – John 8:32 says 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”– Be honest about your needs. If you are married, you have a right to have your needs met. Even when it comes to your job; you have a right to have your needs met. If you are the desire of my heart, then my needs should be met through you.
  3. Make yourself a priority – Don’t be so worried about everyone else that you forget about yourself. 3 John 1:2 says 2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.– God wants you to prosper, because if you prosper, you can help somebody. If you don’t have anything, you can’t help anyone else. If you are hurt, you can’t help heal someone else.
  4. Stay positive and don’t allow negative situations make you negative – Pro 17:22 says 22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.- Don’t let somebody else’s emotional environment control your day. Don’t give somebody that much power. Nobody should be able to control how you feel today.
  5. Get around support. Don’t isolate yourself from family and friends. – Pro 15:22 says 22 Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established. – There is safety in counsel. Get around people that have healthy situations and let them speak into your life. Don’t pick people that have jacked up situations themselves.
  6. Stay healthy. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally 1 Cor 6:19 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? – You end up letting yourself go when you break up. Instead, why not get fit and make them regret leaving you.
  7. Take time, recognize that letting go is a process. You can’t just let a relationship go. You have to realize that getting over a break up is a process. It takes some time to get over it. Just be sure that you realize that it is a process and that you are committed to working through that process.

 

Remember the main goal of relationship

  1. Reevaluate the relationship – Don’t connect to people to just kick it. We should be with each other, because we bring value to each other. If continued goals are unmet, we must reevaluate the relationship. Ask:
    1. Where are we going? Amos 3:3 says 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? – A person can be going in same direction as you, but just be walking a little behind you. Just because they are walking a little behind you, doesn’t mean they aren’t walking with you. They may still be going in your direction. Having said this, don’t be in a relationship where a person is trying to redirect you from the direction that God gave you. We must be in agreement. If you pull over, they need to pull over too, because you are walking together. Why get in agreement with expectation and have to roll the window down to look for the other person?
    2. Have you outgrown each other – Do we have the same growth or is our growth problematic? Gen 13:5-7 5 Lot also, who went with Abram, had flocks and herds and tents. 6 Now the land was not able to support them, that they might dwell together, for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together. 7 And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock. The Canaanites and the Perizzites then dwelt in the land.– There was strife, because they had outgrown the space. It is ok to look at a space and notice that you have outgrown this. You can go in on a job one day and just realize that you have outgrown it. Ex-In the relationship, you are dreaming and having vision and the other person is talking about kicking it. At this point, the two are in two different places. Sometimes we will sacrifice spiritual growth just for the sake of staying in the relationship, when really we have outgrown it.
  • Reassess and release – People with real love for you will let you go.-It’s ok to say you’ve outgrown each other. Sometimes if you don’t let things go, God will create a situation for you to let it go.
  1. Resist holding on too long- Know when to walk away. James 1:5 says 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. – Ask God when it is time to walk away. Failure to walk away can cause death and destruction. Gen 19:26 says 26 But his wife looked back behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.- She was on her way out, but she looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. Ex- God got you out of your situation that was jacked up, but you took one look back, and got children out of the situation, or you got abused in the situation, or you got that big debt out of the situation. When God gets you out, be out!
  2. Resist the temptation of the makeup break up game. – Steve Maraboli quotes ‘Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.’– Learn to live forward. Learn to look towards your future, and not your past- Luke 9:62 says 62 But Jesus said to him, ” No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”– Some people don’t know when they are off or on in the relationship. You deserve people that don’t want a “one day we on, one day were off” relationship. When somebody looks at you and say they don’t want to be with you any more, why would you ask why? You are a royal priesthood and a chosen generation! Phil 3:13 says 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead- You ought to be glad to let someone go that feels that they don’t want to be with you. Your response to them ought to be, “You leaving this?”

Restoration, reposition, Rest

  1. Restore – When you have been wounded, you have to have an opportunity to heal. Don’t rush right back into another relationship. Society makes people feel guilty being by themselves. Regardless to how a relationship ended, you need to give yourself time to Ex– Bishop Walker shares that his first wife Diane passed in 2005 and it took 2 yrs for him to work on himself. One reason he took the 2 yrs, was because he didn’t want Stephanie (his present wife) to have to marry Diane’s husband. Ex2- Marquis hurt you, but Bubba got to pay for what Marquis did. Don’t be afraid to spend time by yourself to get yoursself straight, before entering into another relationship. You would be amazed at what you can do by yourself. You got to ask the Lord to give you the capacity to heal. If it is still tender to the touch, then you are not ready.
  2. There is dating, courting, and marriage.
    1. Dating is exploratory, without destination.
    2. Courting is focused and aimed at something. When I court you, I am committed, because I see you in my future. When you date, you got to learn that if you acknowledge that dating is exploratory, then it is ok to date people at fence. This means, you don’t let them into your yard. When you allow them in your yard, this is courting.
  • A person shouldn’t get into your house, until you are married! When you let people into your house while dating, and when you break up, they are giving people virtual tours about the property metaphorically speaking.
  1. Reposition – Don’t retreat from the world when the relationship changes. Go back to school work on you during that alone time. This is a time for you to establish your own credit, buy your own house, or get your own degree.

If anything, this relationship ought to have taught you to:

  1. Reset-recalibrate. David went through pain with his relationship with Saul.
  2. Psa 138:1-2 says 1 I will praise You with my whole heart; Before the gods I will sing praises to You. 2 I will worship toward Your holy temple, And praise Your name For Your loving kindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name. – The moment some of you breakup, you stop coming to church. David said, “You have always been my truth”. God’s word creates something when there is nothing. God put you in a place where you could get the word, that word creates, and then you realize you have what you haven’t had before.
  3. 3 In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul. – I was about to be sorry, but God says, “Pull yourself together!” God refuses to let you be a victim because of what happened to you.
  • 4 All the kings of the earth shall praise You, O Lord, When they hear the words of Your mouth. – God don’t handle arrogant people. God says if you walk in trouble, he will restore you. He will take care of your enemies for you.
  1. 5 Yes, they shall sing of the ways of the Lord, For great is the glory of the Lord. – God will perfect that which concerns me. He will make good on what was put in me. Even though we live through the night mare, he still protects your dream. He will allow your dream to manifest. Say to yourself, “The rest of me will be the best of me”.

The Lord will prefect that which concerns you. Are you, going to hold on to dysfunctional relationships and allow them to infect you, or will you have the courage to walk away and allow God to perfect you? You will either leave this reading infected or perfected! You have to want God’s will for your life!

 

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Relationship Clinic, Bible Study 02/04/15

Posted on February 10, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic

How do you know?

Bible Study Synopsis 02/04/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

How do you know if you are with the right person? Gen 2:18 says 18 And the Lord God said, ” It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” – God thought so much about relationship; he thought about two people compatibility and put them together.

God made sure that two (Adam and Eve) could fit together, unlike us. When it doesn’t fit, we try to make it fit.

How do we know if we fit together?

  1. You got to stay away from crazy people.
  2. Stay away from possessive and controlling people.
  3. Stay away from stalkers or people that are mean.
  4. Stay away from those that exhibit compulsive behavior.
  5. Stay away from people that refuse to have a relationship with God.

How do you know that you are with the right one?

  1. They are willing to be transparent with you.
  2. They respect the people that are close to you.
  3. They inspire you – You feel like being the best “you” when you are around them.
  4. They take care of their body – If you don’t love you, how then will you me?
  5. They will make time for you – When they are busy; they try to carve out time to reserve just for you.
  6. They are drama free.
  7. They don’t cause you to lose yourself. – Don’t lose me in we! They will value “the you” in you. You don’t have to give up who you are to be with them.
  8. They don’t fear commitment – You can depend on them.
  9. They don’t hide the real them.
  10. They don’t damage property – You are not going to have to buy new furniture every time they get mad at you.
  11. They don’t hide significant information – They are upfront and honest.
  12. They avoid bringing family and friends into relationship problems.
  13. They don’t have a Plan B in case you don’t work out.

What does scripture say about finding the right woman?

  1. Prov 18:22 says 22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.- Women are often on a treasure hunt. A woman worth her value is one who knows how to hide. Women are not supposed to be trying to find a man; the man is supposed to find the woman.
  2. Prov 31:11 says 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.
  3. Eph 5:25 says 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,-Men should love their woman like Christ loves the church.

Loving right

  1. Love without fear – 1 John 4:18 says 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. – Any relationship that is fear based, it unhealthy.
  2. Unconditional love – 1 Peter 4:8 says 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”– If I love them unconditional, I learn to love them, no matter what I know about them. The past is the past!
  3. Illustration:

This is why relationships are jacked up. Everyone woman was designed to be covered. She started as a rib inside of Adam. At this point, Adam’s flesh covered Eve. Every father has a responsibility to cover his daughter. Everything a daughter learns about relationship should come from her Dad. Her Dad should be the model that she uses to judge relationship.

When she goes to get married, she is walked down the aisle by her Dad. The preacher says, “Who gives who will give the bride to be married?” The Dad and the Mom say, “We do”. At this point, the daughter goes from one covering to another (In other words, she leaves her father’s covering and goes to her husband’s covering”. Therefore, women are designed to be covered).

 

What happens usually happens is the devil attacks a daughter’s father and pulls her father out of her life. The devil attacks the future groom by taking his father out of his life as well. With the father out of the daughter’s life, she loses her covering. As a result, she marries her husband, who is uncovered (because of his dad out of his life). She calls the groom her daddy and her baby daddy. The groom only has dysfunction, because he doesn’t know how to be a husband. Now they live together, but argue all the time. They act more like brother and sister, instead of husband and wife.

Since the Daddy is never home, the Momma has to stand in the gap and take on a role (as the father). This is a role she wasn’t ever supposed to take on. She no longer is able to be the nurturing mother she is supposed to be. The daughter sees her Mom act like a father and as a result, she doesn’t trust men. This results in a relationship that starts out in disfunction.

This ought to show you that the devil is trying to take the man out of the equation called relationship, just to mess up your sons and daughters.

How do we make the right decision?

  1. Make decisions out of intellect not impulse. Don’t connect with people based simply on how you feel.
  2. Making decisions out of what you know verses how you feel. For example, you can go to doctor, allow the doctor to run test, and listen to him say that you are sick. As a result he may tell you to take a particular medicine for 3 months. You can choose not to take it on the basis that you don’t feel sick, however, you have to know that just, because you feel good, it doesn’t mean you aren’t sick. You can’t measure fact based on just how you feel.
  3. The devil gets into your emotional portal, to make you feel in a way that causes you to make decisions out of carnality. The devil wants to make you stop thinking. The devil says to himself, “If I give them enough weed, or enough martinis, or allow them to get touched in right spot on the right day, then you will stop thinking. There are things that get into your emotions or flesh that can cause you to stop thinking.
    1. Ex– You can fornicate with somebody that’s trifling and it can feel good at the moment, but after it’s over, they will still be trifling. You can be with someone who is broke, but at the end of the day, they will still be broke.
    2. Ex 2– There are people that caught their mate in the very act of cheating. They allowed that person an opportunity to talk and the next thing you know, they were taken back. What happened was they got into their mate’s emotions. Think through your intellect, not your emotions.
  4. You need objective people around you when you are in your emotions. You need people in you that will keep you accountable for your actions.
  5. Timing is important. 1 cor 13:4 says 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; – Give love time to evolve. Test before you invest.

2 ways love connects

  1. Becoming Mrs. Boaz, Ruth put herself into position, but she didn’t say anything to him. Ruth wanted Boaz to know two things.
    1. She wanted him to know that she don’t mind working. Any godly man won’t be intimidated by our working woman and her success.
    2. She made herself beautiful when she went. Remember that men are visual creatures.
  2. Adam had to be a real man. He had:
    1. A personal relationship with God. Don’t get into relationship with someone that doesn’t have a relationship with God. If they don’t love God, they can’t love you.
    2. A real job. Don’t get into relationship with someone that doesn’t have or job or who is unemployed and not trying to find a job. A real man ought to work.
    3. The ability to see her interior rather than be limited to her exterior. Adam said that Eve was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. He saw her for what was inside her, before he noticed her outer beauty.

You have to ask yourself if the person you are with is able to walk into your destiny with you. Psa 37:23 says 23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way.

7 requirements a person should have to be with you

  1. Spiritual Compatibility – You need to ask yourself if the person has the same values as you, do they go to church, do they pray, or do they know scripture. Would you feel comfortable taking this person with you in spiritual setting?
  2. Intellectual Compatibility – Do we have something to talk about? Can I take you somewhere and not feel embarrassed? Are you well read?
  3. Financial Compatibility – Are you really thinking about your future? Are you talking about purchasing rims, while I’m talking about purchasing real-estate?
  4. Social Compatibility – How is this person socially? If a person doesn’t like being around people and you love being round people, you will be by yourself all the time.
  5. Physical Compatibility – A person who takes care of themselves while you are dating, will tell you the complete story. What you eat in your 20s, 30s, & 40s, will be the cause of what has to be taken care of in your 50s, 60s, and 70s. If you unite with a person that looks good, but doesn’t take care of themselves in their early 20s and 30s, then you have just signed up to be their caretakers in their late 60s and 70s. You won’t be able to invest or vacation or anything, because of your healthcare experiences.
    1. In addition, you have the right to like what you like. Either you like hamburgers or you don’t. You have the right to like what you like. You have eyes for a reason. There is a reason why Jacob didn’t want to be with Leah. Having said that, you can’t want Halle Berry when you are in the class with Charlie Brown.
  6. Vision Compatibility – You inspire me to do better. Try to unite with people that inspire you to be the best you.
  7. Emotional Compatibility – One of the things that can be devastating to a woman is if she feels she can’t feel you in the relationship. The worse thing that can happen in a relationship is if a woman is going through something and the man can’t sense it. It helps when you can connect the dots and sense when your mate is going through something.

Songs of Solomon 2:3-6– The Shulamite

3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, So is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, And his fruit was sweet to my taste. –

What is being said is the woman was under his shade. You have to go back to 1:6 to really understand this. Songs of Solomon 1:6 says “6 Do not look upon me, because I am dark, Because the sun has tanned me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; They made me the keeper of the vineyards, But my own vineyard I have not kept.” She says she is under the shade, but she tells that she has been exposed to elements, because she has been uncovered. She has been a blessing to others, but they hadn’t been a blessing to her. In Chapter 2, the guy is simply saying that he was designed to bring her back to health. The woman was vulnerable, but the guy did not exploit her vulnerability. His job was to minster to her and build her back up!

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Putting Your Life in Order IV, “Fruitful” Bible Study 01/28/15

Posted on February 3, 2015 by growintheword

Putting Your Life in Order IV

Fruitful

Bible Study 01/28/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

It is important to understand that it is God’s desire for us to understand what it means to be fruitful.

When you go on a job, you are often measured by your ability to be deliverable (or fruitful). The question then arises, how do we produce fruit? The truth is, there may be reasons why you don’t produce fruit.

John 15:5 says 5 ” I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. – When you think about much fruit, what is fruit?” It is the outward expression of the inward nature”

As a child of God, we have the following attributes:

  • Nature
  • Holy Spirit
  • Values
  • Character
  • Actions

Apple trees produce apples not oranges. Since an apple tree’s inward nature is an apple, then as an end result, it produces apples. The inward nature of a Christian is Christ, so our end result should be to produce Christ.

When you got saved, you accepted Christ as your savior. He came into your heart, and a change took place. This doesn’t mean you didn’t have struggles though and because we have struggles, it doesn’t mean that you are not saved. You may have made mistakes, but you are still saved.

We received Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit when we got saved, but we still wanted to hold on to a little bit of ourselves. The Holy Spirit is in us, but we have to allow Him to have control over us. It is about less of me and more of him. Rom 8:1 says 1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.-The Spirit of God must govern our lives.

The Spirit of God governs our values. Originally our values came from our environment. Our understanding of right and wrong came out of our context. The Holy Spirit came into our lives, and our old values have changed. Once our values change, our character will change. Our understanding of right and wrong is now governed by what we learn from the Holy Spirit instead of the environment we came out of.

Values drive our character. Keep in mind that our new values come from the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit brings us into a new nature, and as a result, we don’t say we’re saved, yet curse you out! If we do, it implies our inward nature hasn’t really changed and this would make us rotten fruit.

To get out of this:

  1. We have to know that God has made provisions for us to walk this walk. How?
    1. Love is God’s unconditional love coupled with sacrifice. We love without agenda or thinking about ourselves.
    2. We have joy not based on possessions. Instead it is based on spiritual blessings. So no matter what our financial or job situation is, we still have joy. Our joy is not tied to our circumstances.
  • Peace is tranquility based on God’s sovereign love and our acceptance of Him. Though there is hell in my life, I yet have peace.
  1. Patience, I can endure unfair conditions, and it doesn’t affect me. I will still love you despite how you treat me. When my nature allows me to treat you the way you treat me, then my inward nature is flawed. My fruit has then gotten rotten. We can’t just pick this up and sit it back down at will.

Qualities of a person who is fruitful

  1. Trustworthy (dependable, you can count on them).
  2. Disciplined (obeys Gods words, and has self-control.
  3. Positive (see the good in all things).
  4. Ambitious (take initiative, not stuck).
  5. Compassionate (they care for others).
  6. Balanced (they are not extremists).
  7. Strong (can handle the highs and lows of life without giving up).
  8. Honest (they don’t sugar coat issues).
  9. Patient (they take one day at a time).

Fruitfulness is commandment

Gen 1:28   28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” – God blessed them and told them to produce, before they reproduce. Reproducing, before you produce will cause what you reproduced, not to produce.

  1. What you reproduce ought to see you producing. When you do this, you are going back and defining the environment for the children to produce. In other words, they produce, because you produce.
  2. When you produce, before you reproduce, stuff in the earth will respect you simply because you have Remember that this is the year of take over. Start producing something!

Lev 26:9 says 9 “For I will look on you favorably and make you fruitful, multiply you and confirm My covenant with you.– Understand what God says. Being connected to God is like having a nutrient.

Luke 3:9 says 9 And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.”– There is an ax laid to you, asking “Are you going to produce?”

Fruitfulness pleases God

Col 1:10 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;

Fruitful people:

  1. Produce much fruit – Bishop Walker has been pastoring Mt Zion 22 yrs. He has prepared and delivered many messages, but his fruit is measured by how many people give their life to Christ. Out of 22yrs, there has never been a Sunday where somebody didn’t walk the aisle or give their life to Christ. As a Pastor, when you start burying more people than you bring into the church, then it is time to retire.
  2. Are strategic- People that are lazy, hate strategy. Set measurables and deliverables for yourself.
  3. Complete their assignments – Being almost done, is not fruitful. Fruitful people constantly assess themselves and they wonder if they are doing too much. What is God telling you to do and what are you doing on your own. You may have a lot of things started, but never finish things. You might be average on a lot of things as opposed to doing two or three things real well. It is not the quantity of things you do; it is the quality of the things you do that really make a difference.
  4. Causes things to grow within an organism – Make yourself necessary. Be so fruitful when you engage in any system, church, or job, that you are missed when you aren’t there. When you miss and it doesn’t matter, then you have made no impact. Your presence should be so significant, people hate when you aren’t there. Use this miss as leverage.

Fruitfulness requires pruning

John 15:2 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. – God prunes you so that you can bear fruit. He cuts you so you can bear fruit. Yes, this means you will hurt though you are doing right. God clips stuff around you, so you that you can produce more. This may hurt, but you have no idea how much more fruit you are going to bear. Are you willing to prune yourself for God?

How do you prune self?

  1. Examine your life. 2 cor 13:5 says 5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? —unless indeed you are disqualified.
  2. Confess sin. 1 john 1:9 says 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.– When you miss this mark, this is sin. This can even be failing to write that book God laid on your heart to write.
  3. Repent from routine or habitual sins. John 3:19 says 19 And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.– What have you allowed to be habitual or routine sin?
  4. Ditch the doubtful – Stop doubting consciousness and power of the Holy Spirit. Trust your instinct and the power of Holy Spirit.
  5. Diminish distractions – What things in your life is causing you not to be fruitful?
  6. Filter your friends – Psa 1:1-2 says 1 Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; 2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.,- Does your friend hinder or help you. – Remove people out of your life that are causing you not to be fruitful.
  7. Replace and remove- Whatever you move out of your life, replace it with something else. Ex – Bishop shared him going to the grocery store and purchasing 6 apples. When he got ready to eat on of the apples, there was a brown place on it. Women actually look at the apples before they eat them and when something brown is on them, they will more than likely throw the whole apple away. Men on the other hand are comfortable with cutting the bad part off. Bishop on this day cut the bad place off the apple and ate it. The problem with this is why was the bad place on the apple? There was some core issue that caused this bad place. By cutting the bad place off of the apple, the core issue was not dealt with. Bishop settled for a piece of an apple, when he had purchased a whole apple. He didn’t deal with the issue (the core) which is not seen. We do the same thing in relationships. We cut of the bad part, keep piece, when we actually signed up to be in relationship with a whole person. A lot of us just like this example settle for rotten folk (because of their core issue). You never see the rotten part on display. It is not until you totally examine the person that you discover their core issue.

 

Fruit is the reward of your labor

  1. 1 cor 3:8 says 8 Now he who plants and he who waters are one, and each one will receive his own reward according to his own labor.
  2. John 15:1-8 1 ” I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. 5 ” I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.
  3. Summarizing John 15:1-8
  4. Verses 1-2 – Every branch produces and if it doesn’t, it will be cut off.
  5. Verse 3 – You are clean because you were cleaned. The word will spray you off.
  6. Verse 4-5 – You can’t produce unless you are connected to the vine. You are not the vine. You are nothing but a branch. Stop feeling guilty if you bear fruit. People connected to vine, will produce fruit.
  7. Verse 6 – If you are not connected to the true vine, Jesus Christ, you will be cast out. You will be taking your destiny and putting it into the hands of man and you will burnt.

This year, learn to have so much faith; if you ask for it, you know that it is already done. God gets the glory, when his children produce fruit. Even if your haters don’t like you, they have to respect that you are his disciple. Stop trying to get people to like you. Understand they have to respect you, because fruit don’t lie. You shall know them by the fruit they bear.

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