Relationship Clinic IV, “How Do You Know You Are Over the Pain of Your Past?” Bible Study 03/11/15

Posted on March 18, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic IV

“How Do You Know You Are Over the Pain of Your Past”

Synopsis of Bible Study 03/11/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker

Many of us struggle with this issue called pain. Phil 3:13 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,– When you think about pain and the process of getting beyond it, there is a term called offense that comes to mind. When we experience offense, we have to realize that what we are dealing with is flesh, not spirits.

Eph 6:12 says 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. – This then tells us that when dealing with offense, it is spiritual warfare.

The devil uses our flesh as a manifestation of the offense. When we are offended, we have to decide if we are going to take the bait. When we are offended, there are two possible reactions. They are:

  • Spiritual Reaction.
  • Physical (Natural) Reaction.

Of course we advise you to have a spiritual reaction, but for now, let’s talk about the natural reaction. Our natural tendency is to act in the flesh.

How do we keep from acting in the flesh? How do we transition from responding in the flesh? Know that you will never be able to deal with offense in your flesh. It’s got to be in the spiritual.

Where does the offense come from? Sometimes the offense comes, because it reminds you of something that happened to you before that wasn’t dealt with.

  • There are layers of pain and as a result of your levels of pain, you have scars. Scientifically, you remember the bad things better than the good things that happened to you. As a result, you replay the footage of the bad things over and over in your mind. Isa 43:18-19 says 18 “Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

How do you know you are over the pain of your Past? The answer is, you are able to put the old things behind you and make room for the good things. God is doing good things in your life right now!

  • Joseph was elevated, but he could have retaliated instead. Gen 50:20 says 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. – Egypt was saved, because of what offended Joseph.
  • Does God allow you to be offended and just expect you to stand back and do nothing? God could have prevented it, so why did God let the offense come. Job would testify that he wasn’t doing anything, but God allowed the devil to have permission to attack him.
    • There are moments that God allows the offense to happen, but he is in control of the end result. The fact that you are reading this right now is evidence that God controls the end result. Ex – Joseph knew that everything happens for a reason. Had he not been put into prison, he wouldn’t have met the butler who told pharaoh that he could interpret dreams; he wouldn’t have been in prison if Potiphar’s wife had not lied on him; he wouldn’t have been sold had it not been for the evilness of his brothers; and he wouldn’t have been hated by his brother’s enough for them to sell him, had he not been given the coat by his father.
  • Soren Kierkegaard has been quoted as saying “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – The only way to understand a person is to know where they been. This is the only way you will understand why a person is the way they are. You must accept that both our pain and our history make up who we are. We can’t however allow ourselves to stay in the pain and allow it to rob our future.

Let go of your past. You deserve to be free

  • John 8:36 says 36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. – The chains have been broken. You can’t be free if you still living in the past.
  • Gal 5:1 says 1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.- Once you been set free, don’t go back! This is being entrapped in the snares that have been designed to make you powerless and to put you into the pain that makes you powerless. At this point your pain is dictating your destiny.
  • Pain is real and once you are free, don’t go back! Luke 9:62 says 62 But Jesus said to him, ” No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”- Looking back is not option.
  • Lesson from past pain.
  • Learn to live life for you – You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Something happened to you, but you have to come to a place where you want to be heal. Healing begins with you. Self-discovery is impossible, because you won’t allow the healing process to begin. Ex- Bishop shares that during the last snow storm, he went out to clear the sidewalk. The problem is he did so in shower shoes instead of boots. As soon as he stepped out onto the ice, he went airborne. Trying to catch himself, he injured both his wrist and one of his fingers. As a result, he was not able to bend the finger. His wife, who is a doctor, advised him to go and get it checked out. Bishop refused and the finger remained sore for days. After days of him being in pain over the finger, his wife scolded him and reminded him that his finger would never be healed, if he didn’t get it checked out. In other words, his finger would be jacked up. In like manner, if you don’t allow God to heal you, then you will remain jacked up. Don’t let pain rob you of life.
  • Learn how to trust God. Psa 56:11 says 11 In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? – We allow ourselves to put human attributes on God. Don’t let your horizontal horror; rob you of your vertical blessing.

Psa 146:3 says 3 Do not put your trust in princes, Nor in a son of man, in whom there is no help. – Don’t allow what people did to you, cause you to distrust people. Put your trust in God. Ex – Some people start folk off at 100% credibility and then allow them to lower it by their actions. Other people start people at 0% and then allow them to prove themselves towards the 100%, this way if they don’t make it, they are not disappointed by what they do.

  • Learn to have the right intentions – Psa 51:10 says 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Rom 12:9 says 9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.- Have you ever volunteered to help the Lord get them, as if He was moving too slow for you? Learn how to walk away in peace, instead of pieces. Learn to declare over your life that you are not going to walk away as fragmented pieces. If you don’t, this will eventually get into your head.

Isa 26:3 says 3 You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.- We are not going to let somebody have the joy of saying, “look at what I did to them”.

  • Clean up your life – Spring clean your life. Spring clean your emotions and your spirit. Pain will set up residue and cause illness, disease, pain, and other ailments. Take note of what is inside of you. Ex – When you meet Thomas, don’t compare him to a previous Thomas that did your wrong.

Psa 139:23-24 says 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; 24 And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.- In other words, ask the Lord to show you what is wearing you out.

Ecc 3:1 says 1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:- It’s ok to get help. Sometimes you got to talk to somebody.

Pro 1:5 says 5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel,

Prov 19:20 says 20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction, That you may be wise in your latter days.-Counseling can help you get to the core issue. You might be mad at somebody, because of something that happened to you in the past. There is often history tied to your pain. Out with the old and in with the new! Remove the old stuff and replace it with something new. If you don’t fill that void with the word of God it becomes a deterrent from healing from any past pain and experiences.

2 cor 2:14 says 14 Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place.

  • Terms to know:
  • Was, that is, and what will be – God’s desire for your life is that you prosper in your soul and emotions. 3 john: 1:2 says – 2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.
  • Emotions – Feelings on the inside that cause pleasure of pain that cause you to move in a certain direction.- God wants you to master you emotions, not let your emotions to control you.
  • Self-control – This is godly feelings that cause you to take control of your soul and spirit – Heb 4:15 says 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.- The Holy Spirit knows what we deal with.

Mark 14:32 says 32 Then they came to a place which was named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, ” Sit here while I pray.”- Prayer causes you to take control of your emotions.

The devil wants you to think you won’t have control of 3 things:

  • Our personality, our circumstance, and our weaknesses – The devil is a lie, because 2 Cor 5:17 says 17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Things to Remember:

  1. Take up the shield of faith which is the word of God – The word keeps offense from hitting my emotion.
  2. God says forgive others is an act of faith – When you forgive, you can’t wait for somebody to say they are sorry. True forgiveness s is not for them, but for you.
  3. Stop reliving the situation – Don’t make your pain fit every story that is told.
  4. Stop making excuses for why you are so easily hurt – Having that tender sport or sensitive subject is nothing more than excuses.
  5. Stop wearing your emotions on your sleeve- How do you know if you are guilty of this? Because people keep asking you what is wrong with you.
  6. Stop trying to get even with people who have hurt you – The greater the offense, the greater your retaliation spirit gets.
  7. Don’t harden your heart. Let it go. – Offense is like this; “I’ll let it go, but the pain won’t let me go. Everywhere I go, the pain goes. ” The longer you hold on, the further you get from your destination.

Let it go!

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Relationship Clinic III, Bible Study 02/25/15

Posted on March 5, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic III

“How do you know if you are ready for marriage?”

Bible Study synopsis 02/25/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker

Marriage is a long time commitment. It can’t be based on a temporary emotion or how you feel about a person. Marriage should be based on a rational assessment of needs. We don’t come together in marriage based on how we feel; we enter marriage with the intentions of meeting our spiritual, physical, and emotional needs along with our short-term and long-term goals.

What’s strange is we spend time in school preparing for our careers, but we don’t spend time preparing for marriage. What should we do when preparing for marriage?

Working on me before we

  1. Self-identity – Do you know who you are? Psa 139:14 says 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.- God created us in a way, that we are unique. If you don’t know who you are, you will look for somebody to define you. When you know who you are, no-one can define you.
  2. Self- sufficient – No one should get married just to get their bills paid or to have a better life. It is God’s intent for you to be able to take care of your own self. Get your own house first, before you get married. Pro 31:16 says 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. – The virtuous woman mentioned in the previous verse is an She is a business woman so to speak. Pro 31:23 says 23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. – In other words, they both have it going on. Both the husband and the wife need to have to be productive people of purpose within the relationship.
  3. Self-confident- When you come together in marriage, you should be of one flesh. Two people, who come together in marriage, should compliment each other, not complete each other. Neither party in the relationship should have to give up half of themselves to be with the other. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself or your dreams just to get married. How many of you have heard people say, “He or she makes me complete”? This sounds like half a person looking for another “half person” to complete them. Genesis says be fruitful which means to do something that yields fruit. Do something that yields fruit before you get married! What are you doing to bear fruit? Be fruitful and multiply and know that one shall know a tree by the fruit that it bears. Know that if you are just a ½ of a person before getting with someone, and you give up half of yourself for that person, then you end up being a ¼ of a person which is less than you began with.


 

Must love God first

1 John 5:3 says 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. – Whomever I connect with, must love God. The world will tell you that this is unrealistic, but this is the same world that says the word of God is too hard to live by.

  1. When somebody is in relationship, God should be at the core – 1 John 4:7 –7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. – The essence of a relationship with God at the core is
  2. What does love look like?
  3. It gives – John 3:16 says 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.– Love is not a noun; it is an action. When somebody says they love you, it is giving. This does not necessarily mean to give clothes, flowers, or etc… Giving in other words means to complete a need. You have a right to those needs as well. These needs consist of things like your emotional needs, the physical needs, long-term and short-term goals.
    1. Ministry meets needs – Ministry meets needs. Marriage for instance, is a ministry that meets the needs of the people who are in it. By coming to an altar with someone, you have to believe that all you needs will be met by the union you are about to enter.
  4. Love is visible – Col 3:14 – 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.- An outward expression of love is evidence of love. It does no good to say it, if you don’t show it. Most men that are over 40 never saw their parents express love publically. This is why some men are not able to show affection today. Regardless, love should be Whatever you love maturely will shows up externally. Ex- When you go to a basketball game, and your team is down, you go crazy when they come back and win. You love this team and it shows externally. What you love will show up. 1 Peter 4:8 says 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” – When you get married, you will marry an imperfect person, just like yourself. You will do stupid stuff during your relationship, but the person who loves you, will give you immunity simply because they love you.

Got to prepare for more than the big day

  1. Establish a path of destiny – Psa 37:23 says 23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way. – You are a couple of destiny. Gen 12:5 says 5 Then Abram took Sarai his wife and Lot his brother’s son, and all their possessions that they had gathered, and the people whom they had acquired in Haran, and they departed to go to the land of Canaan. So they came to the land of Canaan.–God told Abraham to go to a land he would show him, but he needed Sarah to go with him, because without Sarah, his blessing would not happen. In a healthy marriage, you got to be willing to take your spouse with you into the blessings.

  1. Lots wife got left behind, because she wasn’t willing to follow her husband into a new life and new place. Remember when they were supposed to leave, Sarah looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. She turned into a pillar of salt, because she was stuck in her past. When you are with a person that is not willing to follow you where God is taking you, then you will end up stuck and salty just like Sarah. Ex – People that fuss about you doing too much for God do so because they are stuck. Amos 3:3 says 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed – we got to make sure we unite with people that we are equally yoked with. We have to be with someone that will share in our goals and visions.
  1. Make sure you both are traveling the same path– Amos 3:3 – 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed – If you have problems with a person in the dating area, it will be the same on the marriage path. – Don’t think you can marry somebody and change or save them. They have to want to change or be saved.
  2. You got to talk – Ex – This is a Public Marriage Counseling Session:

Marriage is not the merger of two lives. Marriage is really the collision of two histories. With marriage, you meet in your right now. You don’t go deep into your past while you are in this moment. You start your relationship in the right now.

The question then comes, what produced the right now? One day the guy is going to say something that makes the female cry. As a result, she acts hysterical and he doesn’t understand why. The truth is, she is not being hysterical, she is being historical. The two never had that conversation about her past issues. You can’t expect him to understand what you haven’t told him. You didn’t tell him, because you don’t trust him with you vulnerabilities. The question then becomes, well why did you get married then? You got to have that deep talk first. You have to have that talk about your past.

As a result of your past, you have needs now. It is ok to talk about you spiritual and physical needs. You don’t explore those physical needs before marriage, but you do talk about them. For example: Person 1: “I like water”, Person 2 “I like juice”. Person 1 “If we get married, would you be willing to try it?”

Now this is what church does to us. You’re not going to take a gospel CD on you honey moon. There is a time for that, but you can’t be so naïve that you don’t have to have that talk. These discussions shouldn’t be taboo. If you don’t have that deep talk then you can’t expect your needs to be met within your marriage. The point is you have to talk. This conversation or this deep talk needs to be about money, communication, your goals and your needs.

  1. Listen – Women, know that men traditionally are not wired to listen. It actually is uncomfortable for a man to listen. In fact if you were to send a text message to your man and tell him that you need to talk, then you will have messed up his whole day. Women on the other hand are communicators. The woman wants to feel comfortable communicating with you. Women, men want you to know that they can talk without talking. They do, but not talk.

Ask yourself the right questions

  1. Can I live with this person for the rest of my life? Assume you are 20yrs old when you get married. 20 years is a score and the bible only promises us a life span of 3 score and ten which is (70). During this time, our bodies will shift and our looks will change. You got to ask yourself, can you sign on to be with this person for the rest of your life despite the changes or hardships? You will not be the same person you are today, 5 yrs. from now. You got to have somebody for your not yet, not you’re right now!
  2. Is this person the right one for me? Don’t be like those people that think “this is the one” every six months.
  3. Will this person love me and my family? You don’t want to connect to a person that can’t interact with your family. This is a package deal.
  4. If sickness or tragedy strikes our family, will this person stick with me? Do you want this person by your sick bed praying for you in the time of tragedy?
  5. Does this person share the same values as I do? Do they share same values as you when it comes to education, life, and dreams?
  6. Can this person and I grow at the same pace? Can they keep up with me?
  7. Can this person handle my flaws without judging me? Pro 4:77 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.- Use wisdom when choosing a mate.

Be honest about you relationship. Don’t be unequally yoked. You got to ask yourself, does this person really get you?

In conclusion here is a quote for you concerning relationships “There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” (Homer) – In other words, you oughtt to see a future with each other. Know that while God is working on you, somewhere else, God is working on another somebody just for you. Not only is he working on somebody for you; he will then orchestrate a way for you to meet that perfect someone for you.

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Relationship Clinic II, Bible Study 02/11/15

Posted on February 17, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic II

“How do you know when it’s time to go or let go?”

Bible Study synopsis 02/11/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker

God’s desire is for us to be in a healthy relationship

  1. We should all be in a value added relationship. This includes every area of our lives; job relationships, personal relationships, and etc… Isa 43:18-19 18 “Do not remember the former things,Nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert. -The prophet is speaking to people that have experienced They have wounds, but Isaiah speaks to the next area of their lives. God had great plans for their lives.
  2. Many relationships are built to last. They are rooted in love, grounded in faith, and grow by grace. Some relationships don’t have this same foundation. They are doomed to fail from the very beginning. You can tell when a relationship is not built on the right foundation Matt 7:24-27– 24 ” Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. 26 ” But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand:27 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.-
    1. An example of this would be, somebody entered into relationship and God was at the center of this relationship. They did everything according to God’s will and his way. The inevitable trials came, but that relationship survived, because their relationship was built and based on the word (which is the rock).
    2. Another example would be, there was a relationship built and the members of that relationship never came to church, never read the word, and never allowed God to be at the center of their relationship. Challenges came; one lost their job, family members got into their relationship, they had medical situations, and etc… As a result of all this, the lovely relationship fell because it wasn’t built on the rock.
  3. Got to make sure your relationship is built on the rock. Recognize when it is time to let it go.

Recognize the season

Ecc 3:1 1 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:

How do you know when it is time for your relationship to change?

  1. Don’t ignore signs of major change. Acknowledge it, admit it, and address it.
    1. No matter what, you know when you relationship is changing.
      1. Acknowledge it – John 7:24 says 24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”– Don’t fail to apply righteous judgment to your situation. You can sense this.
      2. Admit it –1 Thess 5:21 says 21 Test all things; hold fast what is good.- Test everything. Admit that something isn’t right.
  • Address it– Either you are working through it or you are walking away, because staying in it is not healthy.
  1. Understand reason for change – Pro 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. – Ask the Lord to give you the reason for why this thing is changing. Ex-Maybe you work too much and you thought the problem was you needed to be home more. You tried it but things are still not working. Now you are troubled about why things changed so much. If you go to God, he can show you why things have changed.
  2. Be truthful about your unmet desires and needs – John 8:32 says 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”– Be honest about your needs. If you are married, you have a right to have your needs met. Even when it comes to your job; you have a right to have your needs met. If you are the desire of my heart, then my needs should be met through you.
  3. Make yourself a priority – Don’t be so worried about everyone else that you forget about yourself. 3 John 1:2 says 2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.– God wants you to prosper, because if you prosper, you can help somebody. If you don’t have anything, you can’t help anyone else. If you are hurt, you can’t help heal someone else.
  4. Stay positive and don’t allow negative situations make you negative – Pro 17:22 says 22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.- Don’t let somebody else’s emotional environment control your day. Don’t give somebody that much power. Nobody should be able to control how you feel today.
  5. Get around support. Don’t isolate yourself from family and friends. – Pro 15:22 says 22 Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established. – There is safety in counsel. Get around people that have healthy situations and let them speak into your life. Don’t pick people that have jacked up situations themselves.
  6. Stay healthy. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally 1 Cor 6:19 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? – You end up letting yourself go when you break up. Instead, why not get fit and make them regret leaving you.
  7. Take time, recognize that letting go is a process. You can’t just let a relationship go. You have to realize that getting over a break up is a process. It takes some time to get over it. Just be sure that you realize that it is a process and that you are committed to working through that process.

 

Remember the main goal of relationship

  1. Reevaluate the relationship – Don’t connect to people to just kick it. We should be with each other, because we bring value to each other. If continued goals are unmet, we must reevaluate the relationship. Ask:
    1. Where are we going? Amos 3:3 says 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? – A person can be going in same direction as you, but just be walking a little behind you. Just because they are walking a little behind you, doesn’t mean they aren’t walking with you. They may still be going in your direction. Having said this, don’t be in a relationship where a person is trying to redirect you from the direction that God gave you. We must be in agreement. If you pull over, they need to pull over too, because you are walking together. Why get in agreement with expectation and have to roll the window down to look for the other person?
    2. Have you outgrown each other – Do we have the same growth or is our growth problematic? Gen 13:5-7 5 Lot also, who went with Abram, had flocks and herds and tents. 6 Now the land was not able to support them, that they might dwell together, for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together. 7 And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock. The Canaanites and the Perizzites then dwelt in the land.– There was strife, because they had outgrown the space. It is ok to look at a space and notice that you have outgrown this. You can go in on a job one day and just realize that you have outgrown it. Ex-In the relationship, you are dreaming and having vision and the other person is talking about kicking it. At this point, the two are in two different places. Sometimes we will sacrifice spiritual growth just for the sake of staying in the relationship, when really we have outgrown it.
  • Reassess and release – People with real love for you will let you go.-It’s ok to say you’ve outgrown each other. Sometimes if you don’t let things go, God will create a situation for you to let it go.
  1. Resist holding on too long- Know when to walk away. James 1:5 says 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. – Ask God when it is time to walk away. Failure to walk away can cause death and destruction. Gen 19:26 says 26 But his wife looked back behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.- She was on her way out, but she looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. Ex- God got you out of your situation that was jacked up, but you took one look back, and got children out of the situation, or you got abused in the situation, or you got that big debt out of the situation. When God gets you out, be out!
  2. Resist the temptation of the makeup break up game. – Steve Maraboli quotes ‘Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.’– Learn to live forward. Learn to look towards your future, and not your past- Luke 9:62 says 62 But Jesus said to him, ” No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”– Some people don’t know when they are off or on in the relationship. You deserve people that don’t want a “one day we on, one day were off” relationship. When somebody looks at you and say they don’t want to be with you any more, why would you ask why? You are a royal priesthood and a chosen generation! Phil 3:13 says 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead- You ought to be glad to let someone go that feels that they don’t want to be with you. Your response to them ought to be, “You leaving this?”

Restoration, reposition, Rest

  1. Restore – When you have been wounded, you have to have an opportunity to heal. Don’t rush right back into another relationship. Society makes people feel guilty being by themselves. Regardless to how a relationship ended, you need to give yourself time to Ex– Bishop Walker shares that his first wife Diane passed in 2005 and it took 2 yrs for him to work on himself. One reason he took the 2 yrs, was because he didn’t want Stephanie (his present wife) to have to marry Diane’s husband. Ex2- Marquis hurt you, but Bubba got to pay for what Marquis did. Don’t be afraid to spend time by yourself to get yoursself straight, before entering into another relationship. You would be amazed at what you can do by yourself. You got to ask the Lord to give you the capacity to heal. If it is still tender to the touch, then you are not ready.
  2. There is dating, courting, and marriage.
    1. Dating is exploratory, without destination.
    2. Courting is focused and aimed at something. When I court you, I am committed, because I see you in my future. When you date, you got to learn that if you acknowledge that dating is exploratory, then it is ok to date people at fence. This means, you don’t let them into your yard. When you allow them in your yard, this is courting.
  • A person shouldn’t get into your house, until you are married! When you let people into your house while dating, and when you break up, they are giving people virtual tours about the property metaphorically speaking.
  1. Reposition – Don’t retreat from the world when the relationship changes. Go back to school work on you during that alone time. This is a time for you to establish your own credit, buy your own house, or get your own degree.

If anything, this relationship ought to have taught you to:

  1. Reset-recalibrate. David went through pain with his relationship with Saul.
  2. Psa 138:1-2 says 1 I will praise You with my whole heart; Before the gods I will sing praises to You. 2 I will worship toward Your holy temple, And praise Your name For Your loving kindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name. – The moment some of you breakup, you stop coming to church. David said, “You have always been my truth”. God’s word creates something when there is nothing. God put you in a place where you could get the word, that word creates, and then you realize you have what you haven’t had before.
  3. 3 In the day when I cried out, You answered me, And made me bold with strength in my soul. – I was about to be sorry, but God says, “Pull yourself together!” God refuses to let you be a victim because of what happened to you.
  • 4 All the kings of the earth shall praise You, O Lord, When they hear the words of Your mouth. – God don’t handle arrogant people. God says if you walk in trouble, he will restore you. He will take care of your enemies for you.
  1. 5 Yes, they shall sing of the ways of the Lord, For great is the glory of the Lord. – God will perfect that which concerns me. He will make good on what was put in me. Even though we live through the night mare, he still protects your dream. He will allow your dream to manifest. Say to yourself, “The rest of me will be the best of me”.

The Lord will prefect that which concerns you. Are you, going to hold on to dysfunctional relationships and allow them to infect you, or will you have the courage to walk away and allow God to perfect you? You will either leave this reading infected or perfected! You have to want God’s will for your life!

 

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Relationship Clinic, Bible Study 02/04/15

Posted on February 10, 2015 by growintheword

Relationship Clinic

How do you know?

Bible Study Synopsis 02/04/15

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

How do you know if you are with the right person? Gen 2:18 says 18 And the Lord God said, ” It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” – God thought so much about relationship; he thought about two people compatibility and put them together.

God made sure that two (Adam and Eve) could fit together, unlike us. When it doesn’t fit, we try to make it fit.

How do we know if we fit together?

  1. You got to stay away from crazy people.
  2. Stay away from possessive and controlling people.
  3. Stay away from stalkers or people that are mean.
  4. Stay away from those that exhibit compulsive behavior.
  5. Stay away from people that refuse to have a relationship with God.

How do you know that you are with the right one?

  1. They are willing to be transparent with you.
  2. They respect the people that are close to you.
  3. They inspire you – You feel like being the best “you” when you are around them.
  4. They take care of their body – If you don’t love you, how then will you me?
  5. They will make time for you – When they are busy; they try to carve out time to reserve just for you.
  6. They are drama free.
  7. They don’t cause you to lose yourself. – Don’t lose me in we! They will value “the you” in you. You don’t have to give up who you are to be with them.
  8. They don’t fear commitment – You can depend on them.
  9. They don’t hide the real them.
  10. They don’t damage property – You are not going to have to buy new furniture every time they get mad at you.
  11. They don’t hide significant information – They are upfront and honest.
  12. They avoid bringing family and friends into relationship problems.
  13. They don’t have a Plan B in case you don’t work out.

What does scripture say about finding the right woman?

  1. Prov 18:22 says 22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.- Women are often on a treasure hunt. A woman worth her value is one who knows how to hide. Women are not supposed to be trying to find a man; the man is supposed to find the woman.
  2. Prov 31:11 says 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain.
  3. Eph 5:25 says 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,-Men should love their woman like Christ loves the church.

Loving right

  1. Love without fear – 1 John 4:18 says 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. – Any relationship that is fear based, it unhealthy.
  2. Unconditional love – 1 Peter 4:8 says 8 And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”– If I love them unconditional, I learn to love them, no matter what I know about them. The past is the past!
  3. Illustration:

This is why relationships are jacked up. Everyone woman was designed to be covered. She started as a rib inside of Adam. At this point, Adam’s flesh covered Eve. Every father has a responsibility to cover his daughter. Everything a daughter learns about relationship should come from her Dad. Her Dad should be the model that she uses to judge relationship.

When she goes to get married, she is walked down the aisle by her Dad. The preacher says, “Who gives who will give the bride to be married?” The Dad and the Mom say, “We do”. At this point, the daughter goes from one covering to another (In other words, she leaves her father’s covering and goes to her husband’s covering”. Therefore, women are designed to be covered).

 

What happens usually happens is the devil attacks a daughter’s father and pulls her father out of her life. The devil attacks the future groom by taking his father out of his life as well. With the father out of the daughter’s life, she loses her covering. As a result, she marries her husband, who is uncovered (because of his dad out of his life). She calls the groom her daddy and her baby daddy. The groom only has dysfunction, because he doesn’t know how to be a husband. Now they live together, but argue all the time. They act more like brother and sister, instead of husband and wife.

Since the Daddy is never home, the Momma has to stand in the gap and take on a role (as the father). This is a role she wasn’t ever supposed to take on. She no longer is able to be the nurturing mother she is supposed to be. The daughter sees her Mom act like a father and as a result, she doesn’t trust men. This results in a relationship that starts out in disfunction.

This ought to show you that the devil is trying to take the man out of the equation called relationship, just to mess up your sons and daughters.

How do we make the right decision?

  1. Make decisions out of intellect not impulse. Don’t connect with people based simply on how you feel.
  2. Making decisions out of what you know verses how you feel. For example, you can go to doctor, allow the doctor to run test, and listen to him say that you are sick. As a result he may tell you to take a particular medicine for 3 months. You can choose not to take it on the basis that you don’t feel sick, however, you have to know that just, because you feel good, it doesn’t mean you aren’t sick. You can’t measure fact based on just how you feel.
  3. The devil gets into your emotional portal, to make you feel in a way that causes you to make decisions out of carnality. The devil wants to make you stop thinking. The devil says to himself, “If I give them enough weed, or enough martinis, or allow them to get touched in right spot on the right day, then you will stop thinking. There are things that get into your emotions or flesh that can cause you to stop thinking.
    1. Ex– You can fornicate with somebody that’s trifling and it can feel good at the moment, but after it’s over, they will still be trifling. You can be with someone who is broke, but at the end of the day, they will still be broke.
    2. Ex 2– There are people that caught their mate in the very act of cheating. They allowed that person an opportunity to talk and the next thing you know, they were taken back. What happened was they got into their mate’s emotions. Think through your intellect, not your emotions.
  4. You need objective people around you when you are in your emotions. You need people in you that will keep you accountable for your actions.
  5. Timing is important. 1 cor 13:4 says 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; – Give love time to evolve. Test before you invest.

2 ways love connects

  1. Becoming Mrs. Boaz, Ruth put herself into position, but she didn’t say anything to him. Ruth wanted Boaz to know two things.
    1. She wanted him to know that she don’t mind working. Any godly man won’t be intimidated by our working woman and her success.
    2. She made herself beautiful when she went. Remember that men are visual creatures.
  2. Adam had to be a real man. He had:
    1. A personal relationship with God. Don’t get into relationship with someone that doesn’t have a relationship with God. If they don’t love God, they can’t love you.
    2. A real job. Don’t get into relationship with someone that doesn’t have or job or who is unemployed and not trying to find a job. A real man ought to work.
    3. The ability to see her interior rather than be limited to her exterior. Adam said that Eve was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. He saw her for what was inside her, before he noticed her outer beauty.

You have to ask yourself if the person you are with is able to walk into your destiny with you. Psa 37:23 says 23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way.

7 requirements a person should have to be with you

  1. Spiritual Compatibility – You need to ask yourself if the person has the same values as you, do they go to church, do they pray, or do they know scripture. Would you feel comfortable taking this person with you in spiritual setting?
  2. Intellectual Compatibility – Do we have something to talk about? Can I take you somewhere and not feel embarrassed? Are you well read?
  3. Financial Compatibility – Are you really thinking about your future? Are you talking about purchasing rims, while I’m talking about purchasing real-estate?
  4. Social Compatibility – How is this person socially? If a person doesn’t like being around people and you love being round people, you will be by yourself all the time.
  5. Physical Compatibility – A person who takes care of themselves while you are dating, will tell you the complete story. What you eat in your 20s, 30s, & 40s, will be the cause of what has to be taken care of in your 50s, 60s, and 70s. If you unite with a person that looks good, but doesn’t take care of themselves in their early 20s and 30s, then you have just signed up to be their caretakers in their late 60s and 70s. You won’t be able to invest or vacation or anything, because of your healthcare experiences.
    1. In addition, you have the right to like what you like. Either you like hamburgers or you don’t. You have the right to like what you like. You have eyes for a reason. There is a reason why Jacob didn’t want to be with Leah. Having said that, you can’t want Halle Berry when you are in the class with Charlie Brown.
  6. Vision Compatibility – You inspire me to do better. Try to unite with people that inspire you to be the best you.
  7. Emotional Compatibility – One of the things that can be devastating to a woman is if she feels she can’t feel you in the relationship. The worse thing that can happen in a relationship is if a woman is going through something and the man can’t sense it. It helps when you can connect the dots and sense when your mate is going through something.

Songs of Solomon 2:3-6– The Shulamite

3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, So is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, And his fruit was sweet to my taste. –

What is being said is the woman was under his shade. You have to go back to 1:6 to really understand this. Songs of Solomon 1:6 says “6 Do not look upon me, because I am dark, Because the sun has tanned me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; They made me the keeper of the vineyards, But my own vineyard I have not kept.” She says she is under the shade, but she tells that she has been exposed to elements, because she has been uncovered. She has been a blessing to others, but they hadn’t been a blessing to her. In Chapter 2, the guy is simply saying that he was designed to bring her back to health. The woman was vulnerable, but the guy did not exploit her vulnerability. His job was to minster to her and build her back up!

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