RelationSHIFTS Part III, Bible Study 03/02/16

Posted on March 10, 2016 by growintheword

RelationSHIFTS Part III

How do you know?: Discerning the level of relationships

Synopsis of Bible Study 03/02/16

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

 

What is love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NKJV) says 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. –The main thing to remember her is that love produces fruit.

 

Henry cloud wrote a book called “Boundaries”. In it he writes “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.” ― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

For a long term relationship, there has to be some strategies. Every relationship has to begin with a friendship. If you are not friends with the person you are relationship with, then you could connect with enemy and not even know it.

Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) 24 A man who has friends must himself be friendly, [a]   But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. -Jesus lays down his life for his friends, so this is an example that tells us that we can’t go into friendship too lightly. In this society, with social media and all, we can make a friend with a click of button.

Cultivate relationship connections

How to make good decisions concerning relationships:

  1. Find someone who you connect with easily – Connecting with the right individual will require the meeting of the minds. Opposites only attract to a certain extent. Connecting goes beyond the physical attraction. You got to connect spiritually and intellectually

Amos 3:3 (NKJV) says 3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? – Your left and right foot work in agreement with each, otherwise you could not walk. If the left and right foot wasn’t in agreement over who would step next, this would cause a problem. This is often what happens in relationship; You end up going into different directions, but you still want to stay connected.

  1. During the dating phase, you have to recognize that your paths are different. You can’t travel different roads thinking that someday you will finally connect. This makes no sense!
  2. Marriage is not the cure for relationship issues. Often this is what we have been taught though. We push people to the altar!
    1. Old preachers used to say, “You got pregnant so, now you got to make it right!” This is not a good idea! You made one mistake, so why would you want to make another? Getting married is not going to make it right.
    2. If a situation or issue is problematic during your dating, it will be problematic in the marriage. If they don’t cook or clean and they are nasty when you are dating, it is not going to get better after you get married.
  3. Select people with the same beliefs. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV) says 14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness – Being equally yoked goes beyond the spiritual level.
    1. Being equally yoked also includes being equally yoked financially and emotionally.
  4. Spend time getting to know each other. Don’t let your biology clock dictate your timing. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV) says 3 To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: – Take your time and you will be amazed at what you will discover.
    1. We often rush into relationships and this makes us have crazy expectations on stuff. Ecclesiastes 3:11a (NKJV) says 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. – God makes perfect relationships in time. Take your time! Timing is everything.
    2. “There is nothing more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” ― Homer, The Odyssey

Understand the emotional needs of others

  1. Relationship is not the merging of to lives, but rather the collision of two histories.

1 Peter 3:8-9 says (NKJV) says 8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;[a] 9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. – You got to learn to make the determination to see if you have the capacity to handle the person you are trying to be in relationship with, both emotionally and spiritually?

  1. You have to ask, did you sign up for this? Some people are in their feelings all the time. This can be taxing both emotionally and spiritually. A lot could have been avoided in most relationships if this had been assessed with honesty in the beginning stages of the relationships. We simply don’t have the conversations honestly about our history. We owe this to the people we are with.
  2. Constantly stay communicative. We have to affirm our love language.
  3. Different types of love langue expressed:
  4. It is a word of affirmation. In other words, we say it. We communicate with words that we love the other person.
  5. Acts of service – For some people, action speaks louder than words. They like for us to show how will about them by how act and what we do.
  6. Receiving gifts – Traditionally, love has always been communicated and associated with gifts. This is why Christmas is so big. For this type of person, little things mean a lot. Such as you bringing them Starbucks during a long day or stopping by with a biscuit, because you know that they left in a hurry and didn’t eat breakfast.
  7. Quality time – Some men can multitask, meaning they can be sitting with their wife, but working on the computer or checking the email at the same time. This often doesn’t work. She wants your complete attention.
  8. Physical touch – Some people need you to hold their hand every now and then. They want your body language to show your affection.

Marriage is Ministry

Ministry means to meet a need. How then can I meet your need if I don’t know what your need is? All I am doing at this point is assuming. If I don’t know your love language, then all I can do is assume. This makes me equate my love to you the wrong way. You have to be honest about your love language.

  1. Effective communication must become a priority – Proverbs 15:4 (NKJV) says 4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.- How you say something can sometimes make a big difference. Proverbs 16:24 (NKJV) says 24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. , Ecclesiastes 10:12 (NIV) says 12 Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips.- You have to learn how to communicate!
    1. You can’t be combative ever time you talk.
  2. You have to listen. James 1:19 (NKJV) says 19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; – You have to learn to listen. Ex – Listening has two sides: On one side, there is talking and on the other hand, there is One side is on when while the other side is off. Then the roles reverse, but one side is still on and the other side is off. It’s almost like watching a ping-pong match. One serves and the other returns.
    1. Notice that the word silent and the word listen have the same letters in them.
  3. Create realistic categories.
    1. Comrades – They will fight with you (on your side) no matter what, just like Peter was with Jesus. They are your ride or die! Proverbs 17:17 (NKJV) says 17 A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
    2. Friend zone or life long partner – If your relationship is not for keeps, you got to know the terms and the term limits. Often, we can know that the relationship doesn’t have long-term potential, but we invest in it anyway.
    3. How do you know this? The Holy Spirit tells you when to go and when not to go all in. It’s like a traffic light; He gives you red, green, or yellow. Green means go, red means I’ll holla, and yellow means be cautious. Proverbs 4:7 (NKJV) says 7 Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.- Get wisdom and understanding!

7 things you need to ask before you commit

  1. Can I live with this person for the rest of my life? If you are in your 20s, you will not be the same person 10 yrs from now. Even some of the things you like now, you won’t like 10 yrs from now. The same will be with your mate. Can you make it through this for the rest of your life?
  2. Is this person the right one for me? People can be a nice person, yet still not be the one.
  3. Will this person love you and your family? For the most part, people have strong ties to their family, especially in the south. It is hard to have a relationship, if you can’t stand the in-laws.
  4. If sickness or tragedy strikes your family, will this person stay strong and stay with you?
  5. Does this person share the same values you do? Do they believe the same as you do concerning church, education, and the raising of children?
  6. Can this person and I grow together at the same pace? This means, will you don’t have to wait on them to reach every milestone? Remember you want to win together!
  7. Can this person handle your flaws without judging you? Can they know the worse about you and believe God for the best of you?
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RelationShifts Part II, Bible Study 02/24/16

Posted on March 3, 2016 by growintheword

relationShifts

RelationSHIFTS Part II

How to be the man / woman that God wants you to be

Synopsis of Bible Study 02/24/16

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

 

One problem with trying to be the man or woman that God called you to be is there aren’t many people in our families that we can model after. Not having any models or good examples to mimic causes us to display, dysfunction.

Today we will focus on a key verse which is Psalms 139:14 (NKJV) and it says 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a] Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

In trying to become the man or woman that God called us to be, we have to have some strategies.

Below will list some strategies to help us achieve this goal.

Strategies

Know that:

  1. Your horizontal relationships are only happy if vertical relationship (with God) is healthy.
  2. We have to admit that we are all evolving. We have not arrived yet. Pratical principels.

 

Men:

It is important to learn to be the man God wants you to be. To be the man that God wants you to be, you must:

  1. We mus first know how to be a man after Gods heart. Acts 13:22 (NKJV) says 22 And when He had removed him, He raised up for them David as king, to whom also He gave testimony and said, ‘I have found David[a] the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.’[b] – A man after Gods heart is a man who at his core, wants to do Gods will. An example of this being played out is in the Garden of Gethsemane. Here Jesus suffers as a man. What is important to know here is he asks God to let the cup pass from him, but in the end he says, “… let thou will (God’s will) be done”. We have to let God’s will be the center in our life.
  • Characteristics of man after Gods own heart.
  1. Responsive – David responded to Gods call without delay. Know that responsive in this context can be also mean responsible. 1 Samuel 16:22-23 (NKJV) 22 Then Saul sent to Jesse, saying, “Please let David stand before me, for he has found favor in my sight.” 23 And so it was, whenever the spirit from God was upon Saul, that David would take a harp and play it with his hand. Then Saul would become refreshed and well, and the distressing spirit would depart from him. – A man after Gods heart doesn’t have to be prompted to respond. He just knows when to act.
    1. There are some things men are supposed to do, just because we are men of God. We don’t have to be asked to get up and go to work. We just do it, because as men of God, we know that this is something we are supposed to do. To respond is to be
  2. Resourceful – David knew how to get the job done. A man of God is not just responsible, he is resourceful. 1 Samuel 17:40 (NKJV) says 40 Then he took his staff in his hand; and he chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag, in a pouch which he had, and his sling was in his hand. And he drew near to the Philistine. – David took a sling shot and rocks and slayed the giant, Goliath. No where did the scripture say he was told to do this. David knew this was something that had to be done. He did what he could do and let God do the rest.
    1. A man after God’s heart takes what he has and makes things happen. Men after God’s own heart can make stuff happen and the family never knows what he is working on. For example, the lights can be turned off for just one night and he might play it off by planning a candlelight.
  3. Respectful – A man after God’s own heart is respectful. He is also respectful of God’s presence. 2 Samuel 24:18-24 (NKJV)18 And Gad came that day to David and said to him, “Go up, erect an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.” 19 So David, according to the word of Gad, went up as the Lord commanded. 20 Now Araunah looked, and saw the king and his servants coming toward him. So Araunah went out and bowed before the king with his face to the ground. 21 Then Araunah said, “Why has my lord the king come to his servant?” And David said, “To buy the threshing floor from you, to build an altar to the Lord, that the plague may be withdrawn from the people.” 22 Now Araunah said to David, “Let my lord the king take and offer up whatever seems good to him. Look, here are oxen for burnt sacrifice, and threshing implements and the yokes of the oxen for wood. 23 All these, O king, Araunah has given to the king.”And Araunah said to the king, “May the Lord your God accept you.”24 Then the king said to Araunah, “No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price; nor will I offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing.” So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver. 25 And David built there an altar to the Lord, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. So the Lord heeded the prayers for the land, and the plague was withdrawn from Israel. (NKJV) – David wouldn’t let Araunah give it to him the threshing floor. He wanted to buy it. He invested in it. Respectful men in relationship to God don’t want something for nothing. Men after God’s on heart are willing to invest into the kingdom and they want to give their best to God. If a man doesn’t invest into the kingdom, he won’t invest in you. Ladies; If you are with a man that will not give their best to God, you can be sure he won’t give his best to you. A man after God’s own heart is not going to ask God for something and never give God anything back in return. If they do God like that, they will do you like that.
  4. Relevant- David was a man of prayer. David wanted to build a house for God. 1 Chronicles 17:11-12 (NKJV) says 11 And it shall be, when your days are fulfilled, when you must go to be with your fathers, that I will set up your seed after you, who will be of your sons; and I will establish his kingdom. 12 He shall build Me a house, and I will establish his throne forever.
  5. Reliable – David was man found giving steadfast love to God and he loved others. , 1 Chronicles 17:16-27 (NKJV) says 16 Then King David went in and sat before the Lord; and he said: “Who am I, O Lord God? And what is my house, that You have brought me this far? 17 And yet this was a small thing in Your sight, O God; and You have also spoken of Your servant’s house for a great while to come, and have regarded me according to the rank of a man of high degree, O Lord God. 18 What more can David say to You for the honor of Your servant? For You know Your servant. 19 O Lord, for Your servant’s sake, and according to Your own heart, You have done all this greatness, in making known all these great things. 20 O Lord, there is none like You, nor is there any God besides You, according to all that we have heard with our ears. 21 And who is like Your people Israel, the one nation on the earth whom God went to redeem for Himself as a people—to make for Yourself a name by great and awesome deeds, by driving out nations from before Your people whom You redeemed from Egypt? 22 For You have made Your people Israel Your very own people forever; and You, Lord, have become their God. 23 “And now, O Lord, the word which You have spoken concerning Your servant and concerning his house, let it be established forever, and do as You have said. 24 So let it be established, that Your name may be magnified forever, saying, ‘The Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, is Israel’s God.’ And let the house of Your servant David be established before You. 25 For You, O my God, have revealed to Your servant that You will build him a house. Therefore Your servant has found it in his heart to pray before You. 26 And now, Lord, You are God, and have promised this goodness to Your servant. 27 Now You have been pleased to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue before You forever; for You have blessed it, O Lord, and it shall be blessed forever.”,
    1. 1 Samuel 16:11 (NKJV) 11 And Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all the young men here?” Then he said, “There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep.”And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and bring him. For we will not sit down[a] till he comes here.” ,
    2. 2 Samuel 6:21-22 (NKJV) 21 So David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me instead of your father and all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel. Therefore I will play music before the Lord. 22 And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor.”-His word meant something. David could be counted on. If you say you are going to do something, you got to do it. Ex – Being a father to a daughter is game changer. Bishop went out of town, but he told his daughter that he would be back to pick her up right after school. She was so excited that she told everyone at school that her Dad was going pick her up after school. When Bishop arrived, she told him, “You said you would pick me up”. Even at 3 yrs old, Bishop’s daughter expects her Dad to do what he says he is going to do. Hopefully this sets up an expectation so she expects the same out of a man when she starts dating.
  6. Reverent – The psalms is filled with David’s awe for God. Psalm 34:1 (NKJV) says 34 I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth., Psalm 18:3 (NKJV) says 3 I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies. , – David did not mind being outwardly expressive in his adoration towards God. He didn’t mind the outward expression of his affection towards God either. As men, we have been trained to think its proper to be soft when worshiping God in public. The problem with this is, when our favorite ball team is playing, we are not soft or silent.
    1. Men that don’t display public adoration to God, will not display public affection with their mate. Most people grew up and never saw their father kiss their mother. It seemed like they were more like roommates. If you find a man that worships and loves God, he’ll love on you.
  7. Repentant – A godly man is not perfect. He will make mistakes. David made a mistake, but he repented as soon as he messed up, and God still used him. Psalm 51:10 (NKJV) says 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. – David repented. God will bless you if you Ladies; If the guy you are with won’t tell God he is sorry, he won’t look at you and say he is sorry. If he is not transparent with God, he won’t be transparent with anyone else.
  8. Commit your way to God. Genesis 2:15 (NKJV) says 15 Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. Psalm 37:5 (NKJV) says 5 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. , Isaiah 1:19 (NKJV) says 19 If you are willing and obedient, You shall eat the good of the land; – As a man of God, we have got to commit to the will of God.

 

Women

To be the woman God wants you to be you must:

Operate with the spirit of grace and wisdom –Proverbs 31:1-10 (NKJV) says 31 The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him: 2 What, my son? And what, son of my womb? And what, son of my vows? 3 Do not give your strength to women, Nor your ways to that which destroys kings. 4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, It is not for kings to drink wine, Nor for princes intoxicating drink; 5 Lest they drink and forget the law, And pervert the justice of all the afflicted. 6 Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to those who are bitter of heart.7 Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his misery no more. 8 Open your mouth for the speechless, In the cause of all who are appointed to die.[a] 9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, And plead the cause of the poor and needy. 10 Who[b] can find a virtuous[c] wife? For her worth is far above rubies. – No matter what your status is (whether dating, courting, or married), these principles apply to you.

 

Principles for a woman after Gods own heart:

  1. Private – A woman of God values discretion. She can’t be a woman that tells everything. Proverbs 31:11 says (NKJV) 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. – The whole point is people ought to be able to trust you with stuff. Ex– Bishop shares that right to this day, he can go and talk to his mom about something private, and she will take it to the grave.
  2. Peaceful – Proverbs 31:12 says (NKJV) 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. –   A Godly woman is not a brawler. This is not who God called you to be. You are a queen and you shouldn’t be on social media going back and forth with people over stuff. Queens don’t come off their throne to deal with jokers.
    1. Your house has to be a place of peace. Your children and your husband ought to enjoy coming home after a long day at work or school.
  3. Prosperous –Proverbs 31:13-14 (NKJV) says 13 She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. – A woman after God’s own heart is happy to make it happen for herself and her family. She doesn’t have to wait for a man to take her. God wants you to have your own stuff. You don’t approach relationships with the phrase, “what can he do for me?” You are a queen. There’s is nothing like a prosperous man!
  4. Productive – Proverbs 31:15 (NKJV) says 15 She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. – The scripture says the woman after God’s own heart gets up while everyone else is sleep and makes sure there is food in the pantry and toilet paper in the bathroom. She has thought about everything ahead of time.
    1. Because of what she does, the husband doesn’t have to get anything anywhere else, because everything he needs is at home. Ex- Bishop explains how he used to go crazy when the Popsicle truck came. They used to chase it down the road every time it came around. Bishop’s mom used to say, “I don’t know why you are chasing that truck? You are after something that you already have in your house (speaking of popsicles in the freezer).” And she would continue saying say, “And you know as soon as the truck leaves you, it will meet somebody else on another street”. This is sort of a parallel illustration of a non-virtuous woman.
5.      Prominent –Proverbs 31:16-17 (NKJV) says 16 She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. – She is so prominent that when she shows up, everyone knows she means business. She doesn’t play. When she shows up, everyone recognizes her value and they feel that they have to come up to her value.

6.      She is perceptive – Proverbs 31:18-20 (NKJV) says 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night. 19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle. 20 She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. – God gave women a third eye. Men; when a God fearing woman says not to trust a woman because she has a bad feeling about them, then believe them! Ex -The Scribes and Pharisees brings trumped up charges against Jesus and wants him crucified, but they need the Roman’s backing to do it, they take Jesus in the middle of the night to see Pilate. While waiting to hear the case, Pilate’s wife told him not to have anything to do with Jesus, because she had a dream about Jesus. As a result, Pilate told the Scribes and Pharisees to take Jesus to Herod. He didn’t want anything to do with Jesus because of what his wife had said.

a.      Ladies; Please kno that if you allow you mind to be cluttered with mess, then you are not able to use this third eye. Too much junk in your system will clog up your bandwith.
  1. Praiseworthy – Proverbs 31:21 (NKJV) says 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. – Everyone calls her blessed. Her reputation affirms the notion that she is blessed.

Recognize your image is a reflection of God

Genesis 1:27 (NKJV) says 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. – When you have these characteristics (the image of God), you command a certain level or standard from people that are around you.

  1. Remember that God gave you dominion on the earth. Genesis 1:28 (NKJV) says 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” – You have joint dominion on the earth with your mate. Together you two must operate in a kingdom agenda.
  2. When you become the man or woman that God wants you be, you attract what you are. If you keep attracting abusive, crazy, or silly people it is because you attract what the enemy sees in you.

 

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RelationSHIFTS Part 1, Bible Study 02/10/16

Posted on February 16, 2016 by growintheword

relationShiftsRelationSHIFTS Part 1

Synopsis of Bible Study 02/10/16

Delivered by Bishop Walker III

 

Relationships are complicated and take work. It is important to know that they also go through seasons. These seasons are called shifts. When you connect with people, you have to connect with people that can navigate between the shifts in your life.

To give an example, some people are ok with you while you were making money, but when the season came where you were no longer making money, they were nowhere to be found. Regardless of the relationship you are in, shifts happen!

Psalm 139:14 (NKJV) 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a]  Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. – This is a declaration about our identity. It is about knowing who I am and how God made me. God didn’t mass produce you. God made you unique. He fearfully and wonderfully made you. No one on the planet is like you!

Knowing who you are and how God made you is important.

3 things that determine our standards:

  1. Our moral convictions – The word of God governs our ethics and values. This then develops our moral standards. My moral conviction then guides my standards.
  2. Personal value – Ex – For some of us 40 and above, we grew up in a house that had a china cabinet. In it was fine china (plates for those who are not old enough to remember). You didn’t just put anything on these china plates. They were special. There was value placed on this china. Tupperware was not as valuable and it was treated as such, but china was treated with care. There were sometimes that you would even throw Tupperware away, but not china. In like manner, how you let yourself be treated has something to say about the value you place on yourself.
  3. Individual goals determine my standards – Everyone has a particular goal. It should be about where God is taking us and not where we are now. Standards should not be about where you are now. In your standards when considering being in relationship with someone, you ought to ask can this person handle where God is taking you? Make sure your standards say, “If you knew where I was going, you would know why I came.
    1. By setting standards, you are setting up your minimum requirements. If someone doesn’t meet your standards or your minimum requirements, it becomes a deal breaker. Recognize that deal breakers are important! Everything has a minimum requirement. Even your gas tank has a minimum requirement.
    2. Draw a vertical line on a piece of paper. On that line put 0 at the bottom, 10 at the top, and 5 in the middle. How would you grade yourself on this scale if you were to take your standards into account?
    3. There are a lot of things that determine where we are with our standards. Some people compromise their standards out of Some people compromise their standards, because of financials reasons. Regardless of the reason, we should try not to compromise our standards.

Establish God at the center of all relationships:

Matthew 22:37 says (NKJV) 37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’[a] , Deuteronomy 6:5 (NKJV) 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength., – We ought to love God with the very essence of who we are. If we don’t love God like this, then it will be hard for people to love us.

  1. Do you love God? There was a moment in life you were truly in love with someone. No matter what time it was or what the weather was like, you would drop everything and go to them when they called. Now you say you love God, but when they say it is going to rain or if we have service at another location, do you show the same dedication? If you love somebody better than you do Him, God will turn you over to yourself, because that person has then become your idol God.
  2. Loving God teaches you how to love yourself.
  3. Loving somebody the wrong way, can cause you to lose yourself. If you have to lose the essence of yourself to be with someone, then this is not healthy. Proverbs 19:8 says (NKJV) 8 He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; He who keeps understanding will find good. , Ephesians 5:29 says (NKJV) 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. -You must say, “I love me some me”. This is not about arrogance, we just love ourselves. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to love you?
  4. Loving God teaches you how love works. 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NKJV) says 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

Let the Lord guide you:

  1. Seek God’s wisdom Matthew 6:33 (NKJV) 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. – We must first seek God’s wisdom, before making a decision to be with somebody. If God is silent, then we should keep still until he gives us an answer. Ex Bishop says when they were dating they used to bring the girls they were dating by to see his grandma Madea. Madea used to give only two responses. It was either, “Hey, how you doing!” or she would only grunt and remain silent. If she grunted, then you knew your date wasn’t the one. Silence speaks volumes. When God is silent, you don’t move.
    1. Deuteronomy 31:8 (NKJV) says8 And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”- Example: When somebody tries to get with you, you need to ask the Lord, “Is he the right one?” God will then go before you, but he will be back. While God is away, the guy you lick is running game on you. Finally, he or she is successful and as a result, you hook up with them before God gives you an answer. Now you have gotten ahead of God. When God returns with your answer, he has a bag full of stuff about this person you asked God about, but you didn’t wait. Now you have all that baggage to deal with after you have already invested time into him or her. The question is, how invested do you want to be in a person, before you find out how much baggage they have? You got to say to yourself that you would rather the baggage be dumped onto your porch instead of inside your house.  We try to blame the baggage that we found out on the devil, but the truth is, it was simply a matter of us getting ahead of God. Don’t get me wrong, you can cope with the baggage, but it is nice to have a choice before hand.
  2. But God has great plans for my life.
    1. Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) says 11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. – God’s plan extends our finite understanding. God is trying to set the stage for you to have a partnership.
    2. Genesis 1:26-28 (NKJV) 26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all[a] the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”- God brought Adam and Eve together and God made certain that they were situated to have dominion in the earth. They were meant to have dominion together.
  3. Be fruitful and multiply. Notice that God said be fruitful and then multiply. We are not to multiply into that which can’t be fruitful. In other words, your mate should prove that you can be fruitful first and then you are clear to multiply. Ask yourself before getting into a relationship, what fruit are they producing? The goal in bringing you two together was the product that would come from the relationship. Fruit produces more fruit!
    1. Genesis 2:18 (NKJV) says 18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” – God wanted Adam and Eve to be able to help each other.
      1. Some ask if marriage a merger. Well it is the collision of two histories, but know that it can be like a merger.
    2. Being fruitful is not about being equitable in income or education. It simply means that we have like values. A wife and husband can’t change roles so to speak. If you connect with someone that you have to make get up and go get job or to go to church, then this isn’t right. You got to ask yourself, if you lost your job, could they hold it down?
    3. What if you were an investor and the company that wants to merge would say they don’t have any money, but they have a plan. Would you sign off on that? Would you sign your life over to somebody that can’t buy you a happy meal? It’s not about money. It is about This is not the gravy train!

 

Live a life of grace:

Hebrews 4:16 (NKJV) 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.- Relationship comes from the Greek word schési (σχέση) which means, enlightening, charming, or pleasurable – All these things are things we ought to experience in a relationship. For example, what if there was a grocery store where on one aisle you could get life, joy, and happiness and on another aisle you could buy stress, bitterness, and misery. Which aisle would you fill up your cart from?

  1. God has given you grace so you might be whole. 3 John 2 (NKJV) 2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. – God wants you to be whole. When you are whole, you don’t need anyone else to make you whole. You got to be so complete that when people connect with you they are clear on the notion that if they act a fool, you can still be alright. If you are codependent on someone to make you whole.
  2. God gives you grace to keep you in seasons of aloneness. There are people reading this that are thinking they wished they had received this bible stud years ago. This kind of teaching prevents you from getting scares.

8 recommendations on standards you ought to have.

  1. I must feel attracted to the person – You must feel attracted to the person spiritually, intellectually, and physically. – Out of these three categories, what you are saying is spiritually (you can see they love God), intellectually (they challenge you), and physically (you are attracted to them). Some people might consider this as being shallow, but whichever of these you choose to compromise on, the enemy will bring you somebody in that area. For example, say that the person you chose is both good looking and intellectual, but they don’t go to church. You compromise on the spiritual by picking someone who does not go to church and then it doesn’t work out. From now on, Satan will send you good looking, intellectual, people that don’t go to church. Know that you have a right to choose all 3 of these.
    1. Being attracted to them is not shallow. You have the right to be attracted to what you like, because you have to spend the rest of your life with them.
  2. The person you choose must be trustworthy and faithful.
  3. The person you choose must practice self-care. They must brush their teeth, gargle, and dress properly. Men are visual folk women.
  4. They must have ambition and goals.
  5. The person you choose must bring positive energy into your life.
  6. The person you choose must feel safe with you (Men: You must make the woman feel safe).
  7. The person must be employed legally and they must be financially stable, in school, or building a legitimate business. They must be stable. Do they receive a W2?
  8. The person you choose must know how to effectively communicate. Can they articulate their thoughts without using a lot of slain?

 

Don’t settle for less

2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV) says 14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?-

  1. Don’t accept the leftovers of a relationship
  1. Refuse to be guilted into staying with a person, just because you have history with them.
  2. 3 litmus test questions for your relationship are:
  1. Has my love for God changed since I have been in relationship with them?
  2. Do I still obey the voice of God? Has the voice of the person I am with gotten greater than God’s voice.
  3. Is my commitment to God and the things of God increasing or decreasing?

 

Relations Shift!

 

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Worship!!

Posted on February 16, 2016 by growintheword

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